Waiting...

Okay so I know that less than 10 percent of women deliver on their actual due date, but all this waiting is killing me! Technically, my due date isn't until tomorrow but I keep hoping I'll go in early. I want to meet my baby and I'll also admit it - I am soooo over being pregnant!

It feels like just yesterday when I ran into the bathroom stall at work and took a pregnancy test. I hadn't missed my period yet but my body had already been sending me some obvious signals. I saw two lines show up on the test - positive! That was such an emotional week. We weren't trying to get pregnant so my husband and I were pretty freaked out. Him a lot more than me - ha! But still ... it was pretty unexpected.

I look back now at the last 9 months and can't believe how our lives have already changed. We moved from our tiny apartment right near the subway to a larger, two bedroom in the "burbs" so that we could prepare for the arrival of our boy. We have painted, assembled, decorated, folded and re-folded baby clothes and everything is ready for him. Emotionally, I am so ready to finally see him in person. It's so strange how a woman can fall in love without having even seen her baby's face. But that's all I can say to describe it -- I am in love! I assure you, I did NOTHING to deserve to be so blessed and I am in awe every single day.

The house is clean... the bag is packed... the car seat is set up... baby where are you??!! I've been taking walks around my neighborhood to try and get distracted when I went into my nail salon and saw this nail color called "Baby Boy Blue" -- of course I had to get my nails and toes done right away!

Baby Blue for my Baby Boy :)

Okay so he isn't going to care what color my nails are... or that my hair is done... or that I have makeup on (what?! Just concealer and mascara) But it makes me feel good and now that it's all done I am just waiting... waiting to hold him in my arms.

Ohh now that I think of it, the inside of our car could really use a good cleaning. We don't want baby riding home in a filthy car! Gotta go get on that -- hopefully my next post is a picture of my little one!

X's and O's,

Baby Mine - A letter to my son

Dear Son,

In about 5 weeks, you're scheduled to arrive... but if you're anything like me you will just arrive when you are good and ready! Your Dad and I have been working on your room; the place where you will rest your head and hopefully feel the safest in the world and I can't stop going in just to sit and imagine... imagine your smile, your cries, imagine the sweet look on your face when you are sleeping. I feel you moving inside of me and am so anxious to finally see you and hold you in my arms.

You were our little surprise... we didn't plan for you to be coming but believe me when I say that you are the BEST thing I have never planned and BETTER than anything I have planned too. God knew we were meant to be together and so he sent you on your way! It is my deepest and greatest desire to know you, and love you, and take care of you for as long as I am on this earth. How can I have not yet seen your face but already love you so much? I do. Your father loves you too...

He and I met a few years ago and I instantly saw something special in him. His eyes are the warmest and kindest I have ever looked into. He is good and his intentions are pure... he is everything a real man should be and I want you to always remember that. He might at times disappoint you, but he will always take care of you and lead you in the direction of his heart. This is what he does for me every day. I know this is a trait you will inherit. I hope you have his sense of humor and good nature... if you learn anything from him, learn that it is always best to see the good in others and believe the good before assuming the bad. Learn that life doesn't always have to be serious and some things take time. Laugh as much as you can and be adventurous! Don't let fear hold you back... it's a wasted emotion. On that note, so is worry.... don't worry but believe that things will work out for the best. These are all things your father teaches me and when he teaches them to you -- listen.

If there is anything I can teach you it's to never let go of your FAITH. A relationship with my creator is the only thing that has brought me through in life and I know that it will bring you through as well. Pray and don't be afraid to keep praying. Be creative and expressive when you relate to God... he listens and he will express himself back. Worship is a special "phone line" that connects us to him so I hope you are a worshiper. Read the Psalms and learn about King David because it is the heart of worship that brought him close to God even with all of his flaws. It is the heart of worship that does the same for me. Don't be afraid to express yourself and say what you feel... those who love you won't hold it against you. Those who are meant to be with you will never leave you. Life is short and more than anything you accomplish, your relationships will be what it all comes down to. Do away with bitterness or feelings of resentment... love with all your heart and start by loving YOURSELF. There is only one YOU and anyone meant to be with you will love you for exactly who you are.

Friends will come and go but FAMILY is forever. Be good to your family and appreciate them because they love you. We all love you and can't wait for you to be here. I want to count your little fingers and toes, I want to smell your hair and kiss you a million times... I want to spend a lifetime loving you but God only knows how much time we will have together. Regardless, know that you are the biggest blessing I have ever received and I will forever be grateful.

You are my sunshine...

With all the love in my heart,

Your Mommy

Showers of Love! -- my Baby shower was today :)

I thought that I would take to my blog while the emotion is still fresh and while I am still on this incredible "high" from all the love and support that I was surrounded with today. My amazing mom, mother-in-law, sister-in-law and friend planned a beautiful "lunchtime" Baby Shower and I was blown away! More than 60 people came to show their love and celebrate the much anticipated arrival of my little man. I know that many say I am a "mother to be" but with this little guy living and growing inside of me, I can say that I AM a mother... and as a mother, there is nothing more important than when people show their love for my child. How anyone wants to treat me is honestly on the back burner compared to how you treat my son. Today, I saw that my baby is truly LOVED by many and I feel so blessed to know that.

The space was a beautiful, well lit room on the top floor of an apartment building with views of the city below. We could see the Empire State Building from the window! Pretty cool :) They decorated in an adorable monkey theme which is funny cause we call Baby Picon our little "spider-monkey". We played "Hot-banana" (as opposed to hot-potato) to complement the theme. There were baby pictures of me and my husband on all the tables and guest favors were adorable lollipops and lip-balms. My mother-in-law even hand made some adorable monkey ears for me and my husband to wear which were so funny and cute!

Our family was there, our wonderful church family, and some dear friends. The simple act of these people taking the time from their day to come and show their support means more than words can express. Baby Picon got lots of presents that I know will be put to good use!

My favorite part was reading the sincere, touching words that people wrote on cards for us. Anyone who knows me knows that I absolutely LOVE cards and I can spend hours in a Papyrus or Hallmark store. There's just something about receiving a card that I enjoy even more than receiving a gift. The words that were shared today are really stuck on my heart and I am so grateful for those who took the time to write out a card for us. One of my friends from church put together a gift basket for us with a poem and pictures of us and a sonogram picture of Baby Picon! How awesome is that? It really means so much when people take time to prepare something... I have never felt so special because I know it's this little person inside of me who is the special one.

Overall, everything was put together in so much detail and I am ALL ABOUT THE DETAILS! So I really, truly appreciate every ribbon that was tied, every gift wrapped, every sentiment expressed and I will forever remember this day.

To my mommy and mother-in-law --> I hope that I can be HALF the mother that you both are! Your sacrificial love and commitment to always be there and go "above and beyond" for us is the greatest blessing in our lives and I know that this has been a trying year for you both but you still made this celebration happen! Baby Picon is so lucky to have you as grandma's. And we are beyond blessed to have you. Love you both so much!

To my sister Jasmine --> The perfectionist! I could see your touches in many of the details today and that's what I love most about you - you show your love in all the details. I know that you put so much heart and love into planning this event and for that I am so grateful. Baby Picon has the best Titi ever! WE love you!

To my wonderful friend Caroline --> Okay, I have to say that I never imagined we'd come to be so close and honestly, when Jay and I were discussing who would be the God-parents, you and Esteban were a "no brainer". Sometimes we think that we know who will be there for us during the milestones of our lives and when they actually come around, we get some awesome surprises! You have been such a good friend and support system throughout this pregnancy and I am confident that our baby will feel your love and support throughout his life as well. I know how much effort went into planning the shower... it was all so wonderful! Thank you so much! I love you :)

For everyone who was there today, I love you all so much! Thank you!

XO,
~A

Maternity Photo-Shoot (my favorites)

I love the orange against the blue sofa...










I was really apprehensive about showing my belly... just because I have seen nearly naked maternity pics in the past. It's a celebration of the female body, nature and all that I get it! I'm just super conservative.. anywell, this was a good compromise and I really love this shot!










Wedding rings and belly.. love this one!








Our silliness as a couple... it's just a fun photo :)







My husband is a Spiderman fanatic. We took lots of shots with Spiderman tees on and I think it was such a great way to put his personality into the shoot. Husbands are so often "placed on the back burner" for the whole pregnancy process and I was happy we got to do this.











Just admit it, I look "fabulous" in this picture! hehe

















Love is in the air :)














Can't wait to do this again with Baby Picon's little feet!









OK these are my favorites people! There are lots more but I won't push it... ha! Definitely check out the AWESOME photographer who made these pictures possible. Lacy Bove! Her website is:

http://www.lacyjoyphotography.com

Bed rest, nesting, and my amateur modeling career

This is going to be a short and sweet post... I just wanted to keep the blogging world updated. Lot's has been going on :)

I've had some health issues that were brought on by the pregnancy and was just officially placed on bed rest by my doctor. I am supposed to stay off my feet as much as possible for the duration of the pregnancy which means I will now be working from home. I'm grateful that my company is being very supportive and they have made it possible for me to access all files from home so that I can continue to work. I would go absolutely bonkers if I had to be home with nothing to do and I really need to still get a paycheck so I am grateful. Baby Picon is doing just fine though! I can handle it, so long as he is doing well - God is so good!

The baby's crib was delivered already and we are starting to really get into the nursery and get it ready for Baby Picon's arrival. I will post pictures when it is all done... It's all so exciting! There's so much I have wanted and planned for in my life but this little baby growing inside of me surpasses all my wildest dreams! There is nothing I want more than to hold my little guy in my arms and it's getting so close... 10 weeks left! Woohoo!

This weekend we also had our maternity photo shoot with my amazingly talented friend Lacy. Check out her photography website - here. It was a really casual, fun, photo shoot and I got to take a peek at some of the pictures and they look great! I had a really specific idea about the type of photos I wanted for the maternity shoot and Lacy knew exactly how to put it all together. I'm really excited to see the finished photos and incorporate them when creating special memories for Baby Picon. I'll be sure to post my favorite pics when I have them!

I hope all my readers have a great week! It's V-Day tomorrow and I can't wait to have some special time with my hubby to celebrate. May you all have a wonderful time celebrating the love in your lives as well :)

XO,

~A

What am I Worth?

I've had some pregnancy related health issues and was put on bed rest this week by my doctor. With my husband working full time and my mother stuck in California (her flights have been canceled because of the winter weather) it has been difficult to get up and do things for myself because I have been in so much pain. During trying times like these and the only two people I know I can count on being unavailable, I have been struggling with feelings of loneliness and disappointment that so few friends have asked me how I'm doing, or offered to come over and help out. It's been a long painful week (physically and a little emotionally) and I admit, I've been feeling sort of sorry for myself.

But then... I recently read a Facebook status on my good friend Noemi's page about self-worth and it really got me thinking. I don't remember the exact quote but it basically said that we should never let another person determine our value (worth) when Jesus already set that value as he died on the cross for us. Her post really touched me at my core and was a turning point in my attitude this week.

Now, let me just say that I've been "in church" my whole life practically. I'm a Pastor's grand-daughter but was raised in my grandparents home (from the age of 9) so I definitely feel I had the "PK" experience... I'm basically a product of the faith my mother and grandparents instilled in me from such a young age. The bible was the guide my family always used morally, socially, in our finances, relationships... in everything! I actually find myself quoting the bible in random situations like office meetings and of course, my co-workers have no idea but it's just kind of second nature to me. Now please don't get the wrong impression, I am not saying this to boast. I realize that I was blessed to be raised in a family of faith but in many ways, this has made it soooo easy for me to take my relationship with God for-granted. When something is so ingrained in you, it almost stops being "special" if you let it. I'm not quite sure how to word this but I hope you get what I mean. Anyway, back on track here -- when I read my friend's post it REALLY HIT ME! Especially for the particular season I have been going through, it's like I let this powerful truth float to the back of my mind and have really been doing just the opposite - I have been letting others determine my value.

I read a lot of Joyce Meyer books and I think she is an awesome teacher of the word. She is my favorite and that's basically because I can relate so much to where she has been and how she has coped throughout her life. In her book "The Confident Woman" Joyce addresses the issue of insecurity and learning to stand firm in the security that God gives us. That book really ministered to me and though I read it several years ago, I plan to revisit it soon. When I was a child, I was exposed to the world of addiction and how it can completely shatter a family... it shattered mine. My parent's marriage not only deteriorated as a result of my father's addictions but I was abandoned as well. The abandonment of a parent (father-daughter) has such HUGE impact on the self-esteem of that girl and it has been my life's journey to pick up the mess and move forward as a confident woman. My confidence cannot come from myself, but only the trust I have in God and his plan for my life. My confidence can only come from the assurance that HE LOVES ME and LOVED ME SO MUCH that he sent his son to die for me. This simple, powerful truth is so easily forgotten in the midst of our circumstances, life and relationships with others.

I'm grateful that God has placed people in my life and out of his love for me, I have also been blessed by the love of others. But what happens when these people get to their wit's end? Human beings, we tend to have limits and though very few people will admit it, our love isn't naturally unconditional. Not even a parent's love... well, not every parent I can say that from experience. Corinthians says that "Love endures all things" but when the going get's tough, are we really ready to make that commitment in our families and friendships? And if not, how do we handle it when our closest friends say "I can't take it anymore"? Maybe life just pushes us further apart, maybe we just can't deal with each-others baggage anymore, maybe the relationship has just become too difficult... who knows? But how do we handle this? Do we stop believing that we are worthy of love? I did... but I assure you, only for a short time!

The feeling of abandonment is the most difficult of all for me because it always takes me back to the issues with my father. I hope one day to be completely healed from that and truly forgive my dad. Just when I think I have, something happens that triggers a feeling that was hiding deep down inside. When it feels like people who I love are giving up on me, it is by far the greatest challenge but ya know, my faith is in he who LOVED me and he who determined my value a long time ago when he said "you are worth my blood, you are worth my life".

I am blessed to have those people in my life who have stuck by me... who have with all my flaws and weaknesses decided to love me and not give up... But I am learning now that these people I can only count with one hand. And that's ok! I know my worth and I will no longer let anyone else weigh in.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well." - Psalm 139:14

From the heart,

~April

Are YOU pregnant? No?? Then SHUT IT !

Here's my "rant" for today folks -- since becoming pregnant, I have had to make lots of adjustments in my every day life. I can't walk as fast as I used to, I go to bed earlier, I eat a lot more, I can't sit in the same position for extended periods of time because of aches and pains and forget about my sleep quality! For those who think that just your belly grows during pregnancy and it's "cute" I would like to say that you are soooooo wrong! Women have been doing this (and making it look easy) for years but that does not mean it is easy. Carrying a baby changes everything about you physically, mentally and emotionally. It seems silly to think that on top of all these changes, a pregnant woman has to deal with yet another annoyance- inappropriate comments by "friends" "co-workers" and at times just "random" people on the street. People say such bizarre things to pregnant women... I am part of a birth club on Babycenter.com for women due around the same time as me and we basically share stories and advice about what we are going through. The comments many of these women have had to deal with just blow me away! And yes, I too have endured many comments myself.

Everything from "Wow you look huge" to "Wow you look tiny" and "I wouldn't do that if I was pregnant" (one of my favorites) has been said to me. Ohhh and I loved one I got from a friend-- "you can control your emotions when pregnant April". REALLY? I'm sorry, are you pregnant? Have you had the experience of an emotional roller-coaster because hormones are surging through your body and not just screwing with your emotions but making you snore loudly and making your hair grow in random places??!

I learned early on in my life being from a large family where babies were being born all the time NEVER to judge a pregnant woman. Just smile and tell her she looks great... and don't be such a baby and hold everything she does against her. It's not personal!! She is the one bringing a child into this world, the least you can do is swallow your darn pride, get off the "ME" train and show some compassion!

I am done ranting :) Thanks for reading my faithful reader :) Below is an article I read online this morning that has a pretty good list - THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY to a pregnant woman. Here is the link to the actual article. Study this, pass it on to your friends and enjoy!

"I Feel Pregnant, Too!"

Unless you are actually carrying a child in your uterus as well, then no you don't feel pregnant.

"You're Huge."

Maybe she is looking a little large, but she doesn't need to hear it. Would it be appropriate to comment on someone's weight if they were not expecting? No! Same common sense rules apply to pregnant women, too.

"You Really Shouldn't . . . "

Exercise. Pick up that box. Stand up. Pregnant women are not ill, they are merely with child and making them feel like they have a serious condition only alienates them.

"I Don't Think You Should . . ."

Get an epidural. Have a natural birth. Have your mother in the birthing room. A pregnant mama's personal birth plan is just that: personal. If she want's your opinion, she'll ask.

"Enjoy Your Last Few Months of Freedom."

Having a baby is exciting and the last thing any expectant mom wants to hear is that she has just issued her personal life a death sentence. Negative comments about child rearing shouldn't be spoken of.

"You Probably Shouldn't Eat That."

Pregnant women are pretty tuned in to what they can and can't eat — as well as what they want and don't want to eat. If she's going for it, then by all means, let her enjoy.

"Your Baby Is Going to Be Huge/Tiny."

What's on the mind of nearly every pregnant woman? How baby is getting out. Doctors looking at ultrasounds are the only ones ever allowed to estimate how big baby is going to be — and even then, anything less or more than normal is bound to set off a mommy-to-be.

"What If Your Baby . . ."

Is a hermaphrodite? Has a cleft lip? Is deaf? Mamas-to-be spend a great deal of downtime thinking of their own "what ifs" and they don't need anyone else adding fuel to the fire.

"You Look Tired."

Carrying a baby for nine months is hard work. Chances are if she looks tired, she is. However, the last thing she needs is anyone reminding her how exhausted she feels or looks. Nothing short of, "You look fantastic," should be said to a pregnant woman about her appearance.

"Anything Yet?"

If you haven't received word that her baby's been born, then chances are that she is not holding out any information. Everyone is eager to welcome the pending bundle of joy into the world, but none so much as an expectant mama. Asking her if anything has happened yet only reminds her that she's still very, very pregnant

From "Hotel Womb" to "Hotel Picon" -- Nursery Fun is starting!

I am as of right now, 27 weeks pregnant -- the average pregnancy is about 40 weeks long, so that's about 13 left to go and there is so much to do to get ready for Baby Picon's arrival!! In the next 3 months I have to transition my office to prepare for my leave of three months (how ever will they survive?) come up with a financial plan with Poppa Picon, Take childbirth classes and get as prepared as possible for the JOY of delivery (yea, that was sarcasm) and PUT TOGETHER THE NURSERY!! I am soooo excited for this :) There was a time when I thought that Baby Picon would have to share a bedroom with us so the fact that he will have his very own room is so wonderful for me. I have so many ideas and thought this would be a good place to put them down so before the work is actually started.

At the beginning of my pregnancy, I felt like whether I had a boy or girl I did not want to impose a traditional "color-scheme". I am a girly-girl and I LOVE pink but vowed that if I had a daughter I would not impose this on her.... But, I have to admit - ever since we found out we are expecting a little boy, my heart just melts every time I see BLUE :) I have held back from buying things since I wanted to do most of the shopping towards the end of the pregnancy but I did pick up some blue onesies and PJ's this weekend at Target.... (what?! They were on clearance!) So, for baby Picon's nursery I am going to buckle and incorporate blue because it's just so friggin cute!

Here is a picture of Baby Picon's nursery now (this isn't the greatest picture but its a good space):

First things first --- the walls are white. We actually painted most of the walls white when we first moved in because the previous tenants had some eclectic color choices. At our old place, we went all out and put color on the walls but this time we decided to go with basic white. We thought about just painting Baby Picon's nursery but have decided against it... he will keep his white walls. We do plan however on painting the ceiling! What color do you ask? Well yes, BLUE of course. Here's a great little blurb from an article I read on Pregnancy Today:

Carey Weisinger of Rowlett, Texas, got a brilliant idea for her baby's room. "I bought strings of large star lights and had my husband hang them around the room as a sort of border at the top of the wall where it meets the ceiling," she says. "There is usually no stimulation on the ceiling, so I wanted to add some to our nursery. Don't forget the importance of decorating the ceiling or having an interesting, graphic fan, since babies look up so much."

We decided to paint the ceiling blue with big, fluffy white clouds so that Baby Picon can have a great view while lying on his back. I think the blue will really make a "pop" without being too much and will be a great choice for baby. Now about those plain white walls... we purchased some decals from Wallies and I just love them! Here are some pics:

The airplanes idea basically came from the blue ceiling with clouds.... We are not big sports people and Poppa Picon has a love for aviation so this was the obvious choice. I absolutely LOVE the "chalkboard decals" because we can scribble Baby Picon's name onto the airplanes or sweet little messages about how loved he is. I think these decals will make a great addition to the plain white walls.

As for bedding, I'm not sure but i think I might go with a solid color.. yellow I think would be nice to match the yellow in the decals. This is a great set though I'm not sure about the little teddy bear design:

I plan to have the words "You are my Sunshine" put up right above the crib like this:
The furniture in the room will be brown to match my mother's rocking chair that is being passed down to me for Baby Picon. My mom got this rocking chair as a gift from my dad when she was pregnant with me and I have so many great memories of sitting in this chair with her :) I can't wait to read books to Baby Picon in this chair:

Speaking of books... we definitely need a good bookcase for the nursery because Baby Picon will have a well stocked library. I hope to find something at IKEA or a small furniture shop nearby.

The crib has already been selected and should be here in a few weeks! I won't include a picture of that because some things just should be a surprise...

I am so excited for this weekend when the nursery decorating will begin! Do you have any ideas for Baby Picon's nursery? Feel free to let me know, I'd love to hear them.

~April

Getaways -- yes, pregnant women can travel !

Before you go crazy and ask "should you be traveling?" I will start off by saying that yes, it is perfectly safe for me to travel until my 7th month of pregnancy and after that it's cool as long as I stay in the country. I don't know why some people think that you can't travel when you're pregnant but it is totally fine. The concern is that towards the end there is a chance you will go into labor... in that case, you don't want to be at a resort in Costa Rica or something. LOL

Anywell - I am trying to take advantage of the next few cold months and visit some fun places. Once the baby comes, there will be no trips for nearly a year and I love, love, love to travel. My husband and I went on a Caribbean cruise in the Spring of this year and it was great! I love traveling with him because we are the same "type" when on vacation -- LAZY. I am not one of those people who gets up at the crack of dawn to see everything and participate in every activity. I like to slowly get out of a peaceful slumber, have some coffee, read the paper and play my day out by ear. One or two museums a day is more than enough and FOOD is super important on vacation. It' s really great because Jay and I don't get on each other's nerves when traveling. We both have the same idea of how a vacation should be - though he does like to "do the activities" a little more than I do. But it's easy to compromise and we always have a good time on our trips.

This month, we are taking some group trips with friends and that is always a nice thing that I enjoy. Even though some of my friends don't have the same traveling style that I do, it's usually great cause I will go to some extra activity and they will meet us for a late breakfast after we sleep in the morning :) I LOVE to go away with our friends and/or family and we really aren't that type of couple that needs to be "joined at the hip" the whole time. I am perfectly fine relaxing at the hotel while he does whatever activity with our friends or visa versa... and we don't need to be on the "same team" for sports and games either! Actually we prefer to be against each other HA! My last "friends" group getaway was to the Poconos in early October. We had "field day games" and it was fun except that I was in my first trimester of pregnancy and still had the morning sickness in full force. Nonetheless we had a great time. Before that, it was a getaway for the 4th of July about two years ago to Lake George. One of my most memorable trips ever!!! So you get the idea!

This weekend, we are driving to Boston with our good friends Esteban and Caroline. Esteban is JJ's best friend for many years and Caroline is his lovely wife and my good friend... Here is a picture of them:

Since Jay and I got married, we've enjoyed the company of others couples (we miss you Danny and Jillene!) and we've had some good times. We have done a weekend getaway to D.C. before so I'm really excited about Boston! We are staying at the Radisson right in the center of the Boston theater district. We are going to hit up the museum of fine arts and the freedom trail. I love museums and historical sites so I'm really excited!!

When we get back from Boston, we are going away to Canada next weekend! This is also a trip with friends - our Symphony Chorus family! We are doing a mini-tour in Ottawa, Toronto, and Montreal and going to be singing for audiences out there. We have been part of The Symphony Chorus for 2 years now and this group of people is really a blessing in my life. Not only have my talents developed but I feel that I have grown as a person while being a part of this group. At one time, Jay and I were sort of "in between" churches and this group was our fellowship with other believers. Here is a picture of TSC:

We've made some life long friends and I'm so excited to pack up on the bus and spend the weekend blessing others through music! We are also going to visit some cool sites, the capitol building and all that stuff so I better get the snow boots ready :)

I definitely can't wait to embark on some new adventures before Baby Picon arrives and next year, he will be joining mommy and daddy on their trips! We must see the world!

xoxo,

~April