Crappy

You'll have to forgive me if I am not in an inspirational mood today. My perspective is a little different and this is all about the good AND the bad so here it goes:

How crappy does it feel when someone is your friend and supports you only when in their eyes you are doing "the right thing"? Do the wrong thing though.. and their support is pulled out from underneath you because strings were always attached to their friendship anyway.

How crappy does it feel when you are in a very difficult life moment and someone turns their back on you?

How crappy does it feel when you are about to jump off the ledge and rather than "talk you down", someone just gives you a good, hard, kick?!

How crappy does it feel when you know you have made a mistake and someone verbally and emotionally abuses you because they can't get over their own disappointment and think for a second about how you must be feeling?

I'll tell you... it feels supremely, utterly, enormously, CRAPPY.

If you want to be a judge, go to freakin law school and invest in a gavel... otherwise, LEARN HOW TO LOVE because I guarantee you will find yourself in a position one day, where you will need to cash in on some love and support in your darkest times.

End of rant. We can now resume our regularly scheduled programming and be inspirational and positive for the remainder of the day.

*curtsey*

Perspective

per·spec·tive  

/pərˈspektiv/

Noun

A picture drawn in such a way, esp. one appearing to enlarge or extend the actual space, or to give the effect of distance.

I've always loved the arts... I love to spend my time immersed in music, theater and literature. I love a good story and whether I am listening to a favorite song or reading an exciting book, it's all about the good stories. That's probably why I love to write.. I need to write... because there's always a story to tell. While I appreciate fine art and love to visit museums to look at paintings and drawings, I have no artistic talent whatsoever. Just ask my Sunday School students -- I am known for silly stick-figures. 

I have to admit that drawing and painting is something I've always wished I could do. When I think about perspective, I actually envy artists. The ability to paint a picture in such a way that actually changes the way the eye will view it... I think that is an amazing ability. I wish I could pick up a pencil and do that... I wish I could change perspective not just on paper, but in life. 

Because really... it's all about your perspective isn't it? Whether you choose to count your hardships or count your blessings, whether the glass is half full or half empty, your own personal vista of the world and life around you. Vista... I think that will be my word for 2013.

There is a God who loves me...

Grace like rain ... I can dance in it, I can play in it, I am constantly washed with it.. Hallelujah!

 I have an unconditionally loving partnership with the world's best husband... 

I have a small, tight circle of friends who support me even in my darkest hours... 

I have a roof over my head, a warm blanket to hide under at night, and food on my table... 

I have a job in this crazy economy and a generous employer who God has used to supply all my needs... 

I have coffee... every day.... yes, it is a big deal. 

I have a happy, healthy little boy who is home safe...

I simply cannot find the strength to write an entire blog post about this, but when reading about the devastating loss of 20 BABIES in Connecticut this week, I find it hard to complain about any of my own hardships. This weekend I got to ride the carousel with my baby. He lit up as soon as he saw the thing... he was so happy! After his ride he got a stamp on his hand of a horse and even now (days later) he runs up to show it to me with pride. What a blessing that I am able to enjoy my sweet, innocent, perfect little baby. My heart is heavy and I am praying for those parents who have had to say goodbye to their babies. 

Even as I face some of the hardest times I've ever had to, as I cry and try to pick up the pieces of so much brokenness,  I simply cannot change my perspective..

My perspective... my vista...  life is pretty blessed... pretty full... pretty amazing and I won't stop feeling grateful for it. Through it all, I am glad to have some perspective because there are so many reasons to smile.

XO,

Impossible Layers

Have you ever gotten to the point where sadness constantly lingers and your heart aches but you can't pinpoint exactly why? I'll tell you why... it's the layers...

And when I say layers, I mean the events, the words, the actions that hurt and were then buried over time... in hopes that they would go away but they don't. They build, one on top of the other like the sedimentation of rock and minerals at the earth's surface. The result is a strong, sturdy bed of rock that although looks and feels like one solid piece... was actually built in layers.

Impossible layers...  layers that have come together so well and you can't figure out how to break them apart. Layers that overwhelm and confuse you to the point where it just doesn't feel worth it to get out of bed in the morning. Sadness is all about the layers.

I was reading the bible this morning because these layers are just impossible. The only thing that has a fighting chance of penetrating them are the very words of God himself. The words that are quick, powerful, sharper than a two-edged sword that pierces into the dividing asunder of the soul and spirit...  piercing...the very thought of that piercing is like a rope slowly being lowered into a hole of blackness. That powerful, sharp piercing that can make it through even the most impossible of layers.

Maybe they aren't so impossible after all...

 Matthew 19:26 - Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."