I cried a whole lot, I hoped, got angry, and prayed a lot too. Then I had a cup of tea, picked myself up and moved on...

I'm a "stay at home mom" right now and it's been a very HARD but rewarding job. There is no better "paycheck" than seeing your little baby happy and cared for. Like a lot of stay at home moms, I do watch daytime television. I will pretty much try any advice Oprah or Dr. Oz has to offer and when I tell people that I am eating something because Dr. Oz says so, they immediately respond with an "Oh Wow, really? I'm gonna try that too." No questions asked. That's where this post actually comes from - something Oprah said that flipped a switch in my head and caused a huge "Aha moment."

She had some white supremacists on her show to talk about racism. Oprah, like me, is big on communication and talking things out. She always says that open, honest conversations are important and it is a huge priority in my life to always communicate and avoid "stone-walling" when it comes to my feelings. But she said that during this particular show, she realized something surprising -- This conversation was not helping, it was making the whole situation worse. She realized at that moment that not everything should be discussed and some conversations just aren't going to be "communication" no matter how much you want them to be. Some conversations just make things worse.

I had been dealing with a lot of pain since the ending of 2010 and that situation, paired with my pregnancy and the hormones, created a wound in my heart that I had hoped an open, honest conversation would eventually heal. I cried a whole lot, I hoped for a reconciliation, I got angry at the situation and the person(s) involved, I prayed in secret for direction, discernment, and forgiveness. AND THEN, I had my "aha moment". Some conversations just aren't going to be communicative and maybe that's why I won't have them. Some conversations will just make things worse and maybe man's rejection really is God's protection. Maybe with marriage and motherhood my life is really just taking a turn and "talking things out" will just make the break jagged instead of clean.

So, I had a cup of tea and I wrote this blog... I picked myself up out of my sadness and I looked into the big grey-blue eyes of my new baby boy... and I moved on. And it feels good, and I feel stronger. What's done is done and some conversations, just don't need to happen.

Savoring peace,

~A