Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Mother's Day Week: Selfishness gets a Reality Check

 As selfishness and complaint pervert the mind, so love with its joy clears and sharpens the vision. --Helen Keller



 This weekend is Mother's Day and I have lots of thoughts and feelings about it so I think I will write about them in a series of posts. Two, maybe three leading up to Mother's Day and of course a recap of how my celebrations went!

Something I've really been thinking about though has been selfishness. And not the kind that people usually talk about. Not the self-centered, narcissistic, lack of empathy kind that you immediately know is wrong. While that kind of selfishness certainly is out there, it isn't the kind that has me thinking. No, I'm thinking about our basic needs and desires .. the "selfishness" we exhibit on a daily basis by simply fulfilling those wants and needs.

There are times every single day, where I have put my own needs above other people. This is not something that anyone would say is wrong it is simply necessary. For example: if I have not had lunch and am hungry, but my friends want to go out I will say "I need to eat first". I have a basic need to fulfill and currently, that need goes above what others may want. You wouldn't normally call that selfishness, but according to the definition it does qualify. Sometimes it is necessary to put our own needs on the front lines.. it is prioritizing those needs along with the needs of others that can get tricky. Most people struggle with this in one way or another and I am sure you can think of times when you thought you needed to "take care of yourself" but took that a little too far. That is where selfishness overpowers empathy and consideration for others. That is where it can ugly!

Since I became a mom, I have been amazed at how quickly my selfishness has been cut out of the picture. There is simply no room for it anymore .. My basic needs and desires that I had once put on the front lines, have taken a back seat to the needs and desires of someone else and in every possible way imaginable! When my son needs something, there is no telling him "I need to eat first" or even "I need to use the bathroom first" --- now that's a reality check!

My basic needs for sleep, food, warmth, shelter, can all be met AFTER I have met them for Aiden. I'm sure many moms can relate when they think of the times they couldn't take a shower or had to scarf down a bowl of cereal because the baby needed them. Well, what has that done for your selfishness?

For me, it has caused me to see the world through completely different eyes. It has changed the way I relate to people, it has changed my reaction to news or even a sad movie.. it has changed my tolerance for others and the depth of my relationships. More importantly, it has caused me to see myself through different eyes. When I am willing to wipe the slate clean and put every  need and desire away to take care of my son, when I look at him and know that I would give up my very own life for him, I can see myself through eyes that are not my own.

My selfishness has changed since becoming a mother and that transition has not always been easy...  Sometimes a long shower or a trip to the nail salon has helped to balance things out.. but still, there is nothing that could be more important than taking care of that little boy of mine.. knowing he is happy and healthy is more than I could ever hope for.



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