Another Year Older: Thinking of Him ...

I think the picture on the left looks so much like Aiden! I was such a little ham!

In about a week, it's my birthday! I am always excited about my birthday (who isn't) because it is an opportunity to celebrate reaching another year of life. Life is such a blessing and my life, I can honestly say has been incredible. This year has brought so many blessings my way!

Becoming another year older also causes me to be a bit pensive. I've been thinking about all of the things I want to accomplish during my time here on earth and I've been thinking about the 27 years I've spent here... and this week, I've been thinking a lot about my Dad.

I know some pretty amazing young dads... my husband for one! I have lots of friends who have daughters and I love seeing the relationships my friends have with their girls. That Daddy-Daughter relationship is so important. I am a firm believer that if a girl has a healthy relationship with her Dad, she learns how a man should treat her and what to look for in a potential husband one day.

My journey has not been ideal in that regard. There is still so much I am dealing with but I can honestly and truly say for the first time that I feel PEACE when it comes to my dad. We still don't have a relationship... we probably chat on the phone once every couple of months. He usually isn't sober when he calls which really doesn't help the situation. My heart truly breaks for him because no matter what, I love him and want the best for him.

I don't have many memories of alone time with him... there was this one time he came to my school to see me read a book I had written.. that moment is special for me because being a writer has always been an aspiration of mine from very young.. and when my "book" was chosen to be read I was so excited. I remember going up to sit in the "author's chair" and read .. and I remember looking at my dad's face in the audience... he was BEAMING with pride. That is a wonderful moment I will always treasure.

For my own peace of mind, I need to hold on to these good moments. I need to keep pressing forward and choosing to forgive him. It is bittersweet because we cannot have a real relationship, but I understand why and I continue to pray for my Dad. My hope is that if we couldn't know each other much here on earth, that we could spend countless moments together in eternity.

Ironically, this song by John Mayer came up on my Pandora this morning:

Daughters by John Mayer

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made 

Come on, you know those shades are cool.

Young days in Arizona

With God's help and the love & support of so many wonderful people in my life... I have cleaned up the mess... and I will continually do so. "I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead." - Philippians 3:13.

XO,