Saturday, August 3, 2013

I'm not Normal ...

Recent pic on my Instagram :)

Lately, I've been struggling with the three words in my title... "I'm Not Normal." Have you ever felt that way? Maybe in a particular circumstance or season of life? Well, I have always, always, felt that way... and I am starting to really question why.

I remember being in second grade and sitting at a lunch table with my classmates. I had a moment of feeling so displaced ... "I am not like these other kids" I had thought to myself... and it was bad, it was so bad. Second grade, can you imagine that?

The feeling of being different and not quite knowing why is pretty tough as a kid. I always thought that it was because of the bad things in my life... a Dad with alcoholism, parents with a tumultuous marriage, the constant moving from place to place and school to school. I was different and it wasn't good. How could being different be a good thing? I just want to be normal.

Eventually, as things in my life started to iron out - a move across country (permanently), my mom found the courage to move on, I found my faith and relationship with Christ, I was able to heal from so many of the negative things in my past... but ya know what? I still continued to feel "not normal."

And don't get me wrong, I had friends, I had great relationships... God really came through for me. He gave me a father figure and stability and I was happy... but normal? No, I was not normal.

I guess my question is -- who is normal? Are you? I have always wondered if there are people who feel completely part of the group and never singled out for any reason.

Since my Grandfather passed away, I have started to really focus in on my purpose in life. Why am I here? I think I know now... and I don't really know what to do with that information. I am scared you guys... and I am excited and I am overwhelmed ...

Oh, and I'm sorry! LOL I'm sorry if this is not clear or if I am rambling on but writing is my therapy so here I am. I told you I wasn't normal !!

That's all for now... I love you my readers... I count on your prayers as I figure this out.


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