Crappy

You'll have to forgive me if I am not in an inspirational mood today. My perspective is a little different and this is all about the good AND the bad so here it goes:

How crappy does it feel when someone is your friend and supports you only when in their eyes you are doing "the right thing"? Do the wrong thing though.. and their support is pulled out from underneath you because strings were always attached to their friendship anyway.

How crappy does it feel when you are in a very difficult life moment and someone turns their back on you?

How crappy does it feel when you are about to jump off the ledge and rather than "talk you down", someone just gives you a good, hard, kick?!

How crappy does it feel when you know you have made a mistake and someone verbally and emotionally abuses you because they can't get over their own disappointment and think for a second about how you must be feeling?

I'll tell you... it feels supremely, utterly, enormously, CRAPPY.

If you want to be a judge, go to freakin law school and invest in a gavel... otherwise, LEARN HOW TO LOVE because I guarantee you will find yourself in a position one day, where you will need to cash in on some love and support in your darkest times.

End of rant. We can now resume our regularly scheduled programming and be inspirational and positive for the remainder of the day.

*curtsey*

Perspective

per·spec·tive  

/pərˈspektiv/

Noun

A picture drawn in such a way, esp. one appearing to enlarge or extend the actual space, or to give the effect of distance.

I've always loved the arts... I love to spend my time immersed in music, theater and literature. I love a good story and whether I am listening to a favorite song or reading an exciting book, it's all about the good stories. That's probably why I love to write.. I need to write... because there's always a story to tell. While I appreciate fine art and love to visit museums to look at paintings and drawings, I have no artistic talent whatsoever. Just ask my Sunday School students -- I am known for silly stick-figures. 

I have to admit that drawing and painting is something I've always wished I could do. When I think about perspective, I actually envy artists. The ability to paint a picture in such a way that actually changes the way the eye will view it... I think that is an amazing ability. I wish I could pick up a pencil and do that... I wish I could change perspective not just on paper, but in life. 

Because really... it's all about your perspective isn't it? Whether you choose to count your hardships or count your blessings, whether the glass is half full or half empty, your own personal vista of the world and life around you. Vista... I think that will be my word for 2013.

There is a God who loves me...

Grace like rain ... I can dance in it, I can play in it, I am constantly washed with it.. Hallelujah!

 I have an unconditionally loving partnership with the world's best husband... 

I have a small, tight circle of friends who support me even in my darkest hours... 

I have a roof over my head, a warm blanket to hide under at night, and food on my table... 

I have a job in this crazy economy and a generous employer who God has used to supply all my needs... 

I have coffee... every day.... yes, it is a big deal. 

I have a happy, healthy little boy who is home safe...

I simply cannot find the strength to write an entire blog post about this, but when reading about the devastating loss of 20 BABIES in Connecticut this week, I find it hard to complain about any of my own hardships. This weekend I got to ride the carousel with my baby. He lit up as soon as he saw the thing... he was so happy! After his ride he got a stamp on his hand of a horse and even now (days later) he runs up to show it to me with pride. What a blessing that I am able to enjoy my sweet, innocent, perfect little baby. My heart is heavy and I am praying for those parents who have had to say goodbye to their babies. 

Even as I face some of the hardest times I've ever had to, as I cry and try to pick up the pieces of so much brokenness,  I simply cannot change my perspective..

My perspective... my vista...  life is pretty blessed... pretty full... pretty amazing and I won't stop feeling grateful for it. Through it all, I am glad to have some perspective because there are so many reasons to smile.

XO,

Impossible Layers

Have you ever gotten to the point where sadness constantly lingers and your heart aches but you can't pinpoint exactly why? I'll tell you why... it's the layers...

And when I say layers, I mean the events, the words, the actions that hurt and were then buried over time... in hopes that they would go away but they don't. They build, one on top of the other like the sedimentation of rock and minerals at the earth's surface. The result is a strong, sturdy bed of rock that although looks and feels like one solid piece... was actually built in layers.

Impossible layers...  layers that have come together so well and you can't figure out how to break them apart. Layers that overwhelm and confuse you to the point where it just doesn't feel worth it to get out of bed in the morning. Sadness is all about the layers.

I was reading the bible this morning because these layers are just impossible. The only thing that has a fighting chance of penetrating them are the very words of God himself. The words that are quick, powerful, sharper than a two-edged sword that pierces into the dividing asunder of the soul and spirit...  piercing...the very thought of that piercing is like a rope slowly being lowered into a hole of blackness. That powerful, sharp piercing that can make it through even the most impossible of layers.

Maybe they aren't so impossible after all...

 Matthew 19:26 - Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

Catch Up Post: Holidays and Family Traditions

Why, HELLO Blog world! Have I missed you!

With the new position at work, my personal writing, family, and ministry projects it has been nearly impossible to find blogging time but I wanted to touch base and also ramble a bit about the Holidays.

Thanksgiving was wonderful!! We spent most of the day at our church serving a Thanksgiving meal to the community. Nearly 200 people came and were fed a warm meal that day. We also had a mini pantry so that they can take groceries home, live music, crayons and coloring sheets for the kids.. it was so much fun to be a part of. Here are some pics from that event:

All ready to get started. Green Beans!!

Awesome team of servers.

After church, we went to my mom's for dinner and some family time.  My aunt is visiting from Arizona so it was nice to spend a Thanksgiving with her after so many years. I can truly say that I am thankful for so much and it was amazing to be able to give back on this day. It really made me start to think about my little family and the traditions we are starting with Aiden. He is 19 months old now - such a big boy!

I want to make sure that we teach him to give back and perhaps make it a Thanksgiving tradition to volunteer or help out in some way. I think it is an important thing to teach him so I look forward to serving with my husband and our son in the future.

And speaking of traditions... what are your holiday traditions? I have so many that I grew up with and ever since creating a family of my own, we have been working on incorporating our old traditions but also coming up with some brand new ones! The beauty of family traditions are that you can enjoy them as a family. One thing I don't want are for my traditions to become a routine or even worse.. an obligation. What we do, should always be out of LOVE and not a sense of feeling obligated to attend a function or guilted into it for that matter.  I would hate for Aiden to grow up and feel like he "has no choice" but to come  home for the Holidays. I want him to have fond memories of the Holidays and his traditions as a child... it's time to make memories!!

For Christmas Eve, we will be letting Aiden open up gifts from extended family and friends. Eventually, this will happen at midnight but while he is still a baby, he can open gifts before bed. We'll have dinner and some fun and maybe we'll even leave cookies and milk out for Santa :)

On Christmas morning, we will have a family breakfast and open up gifts together under the tree. Aiden can get his gifts from "Santa" (mama and dada) and we can spend the day in our PJ's, just us.

Our Tree- Christmas 2012 :)

I'd like to eventually start some Holiday activities together... maybe an art project or a favorite recipe we create together. Who knows... but for now, I think our traditions are starting to shape up. I am so very grateful for my little family and the opportunity to celebrate and be together during these special times. I just LOVE the holidays!!

Catch ya later,
~A

I was Sweet Sixteen...

I wasn't feeling well and decided to stay home from school that day...  I still planned to make it to my part-time job at a law firm a few towns away. I woke up and smelled coffee that my grandfather had made and headed to the kitchen to grab a cup. My grandmother was sitting in front of the television, crying and holding her face in her hands. Immediately, I felt a sense of "something is very, very wrong". When I asked her what was the matter, she pointed to the television and there it was...


A plane had crashed into the world trade center... the twin towers...  people were scrambling, desperate to make it out... even jumping from  the building. My heart threatened to come right up out of my chest and my knees started to buckle. How could something like this happen? I thought we were safe here?

After the shock settled in, I realized something even scarier than all of this ... my mother was working on 17th street in Manhattan. My mom had gone to work that morning and we hadn't heard from her. I picked up the phone, fumbled over the keypad and typed in her office number. Busy... busy...  I tried her cell phone... busy... I tried to call my boyfriend's phone... busy...  I couldn't  get in touch with anyone and I had no idea what was going on outside my home.

Were we under attack?
Would more buildings be destroyed?
Who was doing this?

My mind and heart racing, I started to get dressed. I would take my grandmother's car and drive into Manhattan (I had no license) if that is what it took. I would find my mom and bring her home. Hysterical, tears flowing down my face I finally remembered that I could pray.

That was one of the first conversations I had ever had with God where I really wasn't sure he was listening... where I really doubted him ...  Even through all the turmoil of my childhood, I had that innocent blind faith in God and knew he would take care of me and my family... this time, I wasn't so sure.

The truth is, God did take care of my family that day. My mom walked 6 hours from Manhattan along with countless others that day. She was safe.. my loved ones were safe and no-one I knew died in the towers that day. But still, too many of my fellow New Yorkers did... too many lost a Mother, or a Father... a Son or a Daughter...  and we would never be the same.

The truth is, God did take care of all of them too... even if not in the way we would have chosen. He holds this world in the palm of his hands and it is not always easy, but we have to choose to believe that.  For those lost and for ourselves... we can't loose faith, we can't stop saying as a nation --  "In God we Trust".

Never forget September 11th, 2011 ... but never lose FAITH... he is present, he is constant, he will never leave us.

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you: because he trusts in you. (Isaiah 26:3)

Free Haircut - shortest of my life!

I just needed to quickly take to my blog because today I got a SHORT haircut!  It was part of a class being offered for hairstylists at the L'Oreal studio in Soho. I saw a Facebook post a few weeks ago, that the studio was looking for hair models. You basically volunteer to come sit, let a stylist go scissor happy on your hair and in return you get a free haircut and a goodie bag of products. I sent my picture in to be considered and what do you know... they picked me!

It's kind of silly because I was conflicted about this all weekend. I have never had my hair shorter than my shoulders and I just knew they were going to want to go short with it. I've always wanted to try a shorter style but have never had the guts to go above the shoulder.

The instructor of the class was very convincing... very British... and very fabulous. He basically went around to each hair model and informed us what type of style would go with our face. He terrified me! LOL

But I decided that if I signed on for this experience, I would go with the flow and let them do their thing. I  had an amazing stylist who was from Philadelphia and he made me feel very comfortable. He kept asking me throughout my haircut "are you okay?" because I continued to fidget nervously in the chair as he snipped away.

It took about 3 hours which was annoying but overall, a really, really, fun experience and I would so do it again! I love my haircut too! 

Shameless self pic in the bathroom =)

 I am signed up to their mailing list for future events... interested? Hit me up!

Happy Monday people!

The truth is never easy

Ya know, I am far from perfect... and at times, I am far from honorable, or good.... but there is one thing I simply have never been able to stray too far from... the truth.

I have always been true to who I am and true to how I feel. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, I don't pretend anything actually. Pretending is just too hard and I don't honestly understand why people do it. Why sweep things under the rug and pretend that everything is dandelions? That kind of life must be exhausting. I just can't do it. And honestly, I find it very difficult to respect people who do. Scratch that, I DO NOT respect or trust people who do. Sorry.

The truth is never easy... and I get why sometimes we just don't want to face it. But sitting down and speaking truthfully (though painful as it might be at times) is a stepping stone to something even better - to wholeness. And isn't being whole... and I don't mean being "civil" or being "courteous" I mean being truly whole again... isn't being whole so much better?

I may be a lot of things.. and trust me, I am not always good things... but fake... fake is NEVER one of them.   The truth is never easy.... but easier is not always better. Actually, it hardly ever is.

~A