I was Sweet Sixteen...

I wasn't feeling well and decided to stay home from school that day...  I still planned to make it to my part-time job at a law firm a few towns away. I woke up and smelled coffee that my grandfather had made and headed to the kitchen to grab a cup. My grandmother was sitting in front of the television, crying and holding her face in her hands. Immediately, I felt a sense of "something is very, very wrong". When I asked her what was the matter, she pointed to the television and there it was...


A plane had crashed into the world trade center... the twin towers...  people were scrambling, desperate to make it out... even jumping from  the building. My heart threatened to come right up out of my chest and my knees started to buckle. How could something like this happen? I thought we were safe here?

After the shock settled in, I realized something even scarier than all of this ... my mother was working on 17th street in Manhattan. My mom had gone to work that morning and we hadn't heard from her. I picked up the phone, fumbled over the keypad and typed in her office number. Busy... busy...  I tried her cell phone... busy... I tried to call my boyfriend's phone... busy...  I couldn't  get in touch with anyone and I had no idea what was going on outside my home.

Were we under attack?
Would more buildings be destroyed?
Who was doing this?

My mind and heart racing, I started to get dressed. I would take my grandmother's car and drive into Manhattan (I had no license) if that is what it took. I would find my mom and bring her home. Hysterical, tears flowing down my face I finally remembered that I could pray.

That was one of the first conversations I had ever had with God where I really wasn't sure he was listening... where I really doubted him ...  Even through all the turmoil of my childhood, I had that innocent blind faith in God and knew he would take care of me and my family... this time, I wasn't so sure.

The truth is, God did take care of my family that day. My mom walked 6 hours from Manhattan along with countless others that day. She was safe.. my loved ones were safe and no-one I knew died in the towers that day. But still, too many of my fellow New Yorkers did... too many lost a Mother, or a Father... a Son or a Daughter...  and we would never be the same.

The truth is, God did take care of all of them too... even if not in the way we would have chosen. He holds this world in the palm of his hands and it is not always easy, but we have to choose to believe that.  For those lost and for ourselves... we can't loose faith, we can't stop saying as a nation --  "In God we Trust".

Never forget September 11th, 2011 ... but never lose FAITH... he is present, he is constant, he will never leave us.

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you: because he trusts in you. (Isaiah 26:3)

Free Haircut - shortest of my life!

I just needed to quickly take to my blog because today I got a SHORT haircut!  It was part of a class being offered for hairstylists at the L'Oreal studio in Soho. I saw a Facebook post a few weeks ago, that the studio was looking for hair models. You basically volunteer to come sit, let a stylist go scissor happy on your hair and in return you get a free haircut and a goodie bag of products. I sent my picture in to be considered and what do you know... they picked me!

It's kind of silly because I was conflicted about this all weekend. I have never had my hair shorter than my shoulders and I just knew they were going to want to go short with it. I've always wanted to try a shorter style but have never had the guts to go above the shoulder.

The instructor of the class was very convincing... very British... and very fabulous. He basically went around to each hair model and informed us what type of style would go with our face. He terrified me! LOL

But I decided that if I signed on for this experience, I would go with the flow and let them do their thing. I  had an amazing stylist who was from Philadelphia and he made me feel very comfortable. He kept asking me throughout my haircut "are you okay?" because I continued to fidget nervously in the chair as he snipped away.

It took about 3 hours which was annoying but overall, a really, really, fun experience and I would so do it again! I love my haircut too! 

Shameless self pic in the bathroom =)

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Happy Monday people!

The truth is never easy

Ya know, I am far from perfect... and at times, I am far from honorable, or good.... but there is one thing I simply have never been able to stray too far from... the truth.

I have always been true to who I am and true to how I feel. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, I don't pretend anything actually. Pretending is just too hard and I don't honestly understand why people do it. Why sweep things under the rug and pretend that everything is dandelions? That kind of life must be exhausting. I just can't do it. And honestly, I find it very difficult to respect people who do. Scratch that, I DO NOT respect or trust people who do. Sorry.

The truth is never easy... and I get why sometimes we just don't want to face it. But sitting down and speaking truthfully (though painful as it might be at times) is a stepping stone to something even better - to wholeness. And isn't being whole... and I don't mean being "civil" or being "courteous" I mean being truly whole again... isn't being whole so much better?

I may be a lot of things.. and trust me, I am not always good things... but fake... fake is NEVER one of them.   The truth is never easy.... but easier is not always better. Actually, it hardly ever is.

~A

Babies: The New Fashion Accessory?

ac·ces·so·ry/akˈses(ə)rē/

A thing that can be added to something else in order to make it more useful, versatile, or attractive.

In a society that values appearance and how much of something we have, it can be very easy to get caught up in the need for more. We want all the latest and greatest accessories to add to our lives because everyone else has them too! From gadgets, to fashion, to homes, to cars, to .... even babies? 

Lately, it feels like babies are the hottest new accessory and I simply cannot find all the words that describe how uncool with that I am. Pregnancy and babies are all over in the media - celebrity babies are constantly on magazine covers and the whole "getting pregnant and having a baby" thing is glorified to the umpteenth power. Now, please don't get me wrong - having a baby is a beautiful, amazing, glorious thing but it almost feels like it is also the TRENDY thing to do. When did the decision to bring a human being into the world become a trend? 

Some popular celebrity baby magazine covers 

 And please, again, don't get me wrong - these celebrities have the right to celebrate their babies... by all means, go ahead and celebrate! But could this be a fad? Could it be that babies are popular right now, celebrities are interesting so 1+1 equals a gazillion magazines sold?  People even has a whole section of their magazine called celebrity babies where you can see who is due next in a handy dandy calendar. I mean, come on people!

My problem with this - is just like any "must have" accessory that is splashed all over magazine covers, young women everywhere are falling for it and caving into the pressure to get pregnant BEFORE THEY ARE READY. 

Parenting is a lifetime responsibility... the decision to bring a child into this world that you will be providing for - a child who needs to eat (whether you have eaten or not), needs an education (whether you have one or not), needs healthcare (whether you have sick days or not), needs a roof (whether you have a place of your own or not) and unconditional love (whether you are having a good day or not) is a heavy decision to make! 

When I found out I was pregnant, I had been married for almost three years... I was in a healthy, thriving marriage Thank GOD with a wonderful man who works hard and is intelligent and responsible. I had my college degree, I had a stable job, I had a good support system --- I was terrified and did not feel ready.  My plan was to wait until I had been married 5 years, to travel, to do a few things first but Aiden was coming regardless. 

Aiden has been the most wonderful surprise of my life... he is better than any plan I have ever made and then some... but parenting is hard, hard work. I  have not slept an entire night in 14 months, I have a little person who constantly needs me, and I hardly ever get a moment to myself. Sometimes I cry out of exhaustion and my mommy friends can all attest. It ain't easy! 

I wish that teenagers and young people who read magazines would really think about the severity of becoming a parent before deciding to do so. Being pregnant is "so cute" and babies are treated almost like little dolls and it truly sickens me. I know that sounds severe but when I am constantly hearing news of pregnancies and babies...I can't help but wonder - "do they know how hard it is?" 

Getting prepared for a baby is more than buying a pack-n-play and diaper genie. Getting prepared means being emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially ready to take on this huge responsibility. The biggest job of your life! Being married and self-sustaining, I have found it to be the hardest (and yes, most rewarding) thing I have ever attempted. I could not imagine doing it without a supportive partner, without an income, without a drinking age ID card! 

Disclaimer: I know that teen pregnancies happen... I know many amazing young women (some of my own relatives) who have come up strong from a teen pregnancy, who have been successful, outstanding mothers and have learned from the experience. This is not what I am referring to in this blog post. I am talking about young girls who intentionally make the decision to get pregnant because it is the trendy thing to do.This also does not only apply to teenagers.

There are so many things that can fill our lives... that can be added to our lives (accessories) to make us have a more rich life experience. But a baby? No, a baby is NOT an accessory. Think about it people, please... just think about it. 

On a lighter note -- No, he is not a fashion accessory but he is cute huh?! LOL

I'm not much of a blogger lately...

You guys! I have missed blogging so much!!! Where has the time gone? There are a ton of things I have been dying to take out on the keyboard but there has just been no time... no time... until NOW =)

So what's been going on with me? I just got back from a family vacation in California & Arizona. The hubster, the babe, and I went along with my mother for a trip to visit family and go to Disneyland... that sort of thing. I have a niece who is 13 years old now who I hadn't seen in years so that in itself was what made the trip all worth it. We had so much fun hanging out with her and I would totally post pics but since my blog is public and I haven't cleared it with her mom, I won't.

Anyway, we left on Friday the 15th and got back yesterday morning. Aiden was such a trooper on the airplane. We had a connecting flight on our way there and a direct flight on the way back. He did great on both with minimal tears. He did get upset a few times because he wanted to get out of his seat but overall he did great. Nursing made the take off and the descending a lot easier on him and we had no issues with discomfort in his ears. Yippee!

The entire vacation was pretty much "get up and go" and visiting family I hadn't seen in years which was great. We had my mom along and she is always a tremendous help with the baby but for some reason, he was super clingy to me. The boy did not let me out of his sight. I started calling him "my shadow" because every time I left a room, Aiden would follow. If I went into the bathroom he would knock at the door and since we got back this has not stopped. I do not know what to do about this people! I get it that he was out of his usual environment and lots of people were around... he had an absolute blast with all the kids that were around but so long as I was in eye's reach.

Overall it was really a fun week away but I am so exhausted. I need a real LAZY getaway soon with just my hubby and baby. I love my family and everything but sometimes you just need to get away... that plan is in the works already.

We did have a lazy beach day... my two boys enjoyed playing in the sand

Besides the vacation, I have been working on another writing project so the time for blogging has been scarce. I will have to remain vague on this because it is still in the works and writing is sacred to me. But details will come eventually!

Work has been insanely busy... I spent the whole first two weeks of June getting things ready before I left for vacation and now that I am back, I will actually have a lull few days. I have been contemplating my career in the recent month especially in regards to corporate America and office politics. Somehow, my need to pay the bills and provide enough for my family always wins over my need to be happy and fulfilled with my life's work. It is just the work ethic that was engrained in me -- you do what you have to do... you commit and stick it through no matter what. I admit, I am growing weary of that approach and am looking for guidance. As I approach my 30's, I know I want to find a way to do what I LOVE while still providing for my family. So far, I have no ideas but if you have any advice, I'd love to hear it.

Speaking of what I love...  I cannot wait to go back to church. I missed my church family while I was away immensely and I especially missed the ministry work I am involved in.. I am currently teaching our "connection course" which is a class for newcomers to the church and the new cycle just started a few weeks ago. I taught the whole previous cycle and absolutely LOVED it so I am excited to teach this new one. It is so great to  get to know the new people and connect with them in such a unique way. The young adult ministry has also been amazing and I love, love, love those young people. We are going out bowling this weekend and it will be great to just spend time with my YA peeps. Yay!

Ok well, that is all for now.. I have lots of topics brewing and posts to come soon on:

*Traditions and Faith - when religious traditions are valued more than what REALLY matters

* Office Culture-"I'll meet you after 7th period" - have we truly left high school?

* Energy Vampires - those who suck the energy out of the room.

*Christian Facebook pages - are you a christian or is your facebook page?

*Weaning - I think it might be time and I have no idea how to go about it

*Summer Plans - We got a membership to the Wildlife Conservation Society and plan to make the most of the hot months in NYC. 

AND much, much, more... Stay tuned people! I have missed all of you in the blogging world =)

Sounding Off: Ask me what I REALLY think about "Attachment Parenting"

Recently, TIME Magazine had a story about Dr. Sears and attachment parenting... you know the story, the one with "the cover" showing a mom breastfeeding her three year old son while standing on a stool. The image has been plastered everywhere but just in case you haven't seen it..

I read the article and it is not only about breastfeeding but "attachment parenting". Breastfeeding is one aspect of the attachment parenting method and it is obvious why they chose to play up this particular part of it. My friend Quiana recently posted a blog titled "Are you Gullible Enough" which really hit the nail on the head as far as describing what my feelings were about the cover. For weeks I've just been sharing her post and did not want to get into anything here on my blog... but those days are over folks!

Recently, Anderson Cooper had famous moms Rebbecca Romijn and Mayim Bialik on his show to discuss this cover and attachment parenting. I thought his show was very informative and it really brought to light the misconceptions about both sides of the "mommy wars" this cover has sparked. So what is attachment parenting? According to Dr. Sears' website, it is practicing the "7 Bs" -- Birth Bonding, Breastfeeding, Baby-wearing, Bedding Close by, Beware of Baby Trainers and Balance. Sounds simple enough right? Wrong! Moms everywhere are going nuts over this thing called attachment parenting.

Here's what I think -- labels.. I truly hate labels. Why do we as a society feel like we need to label everything and store it neatly in air-tight containers? Especially when it comes to parenting, this is just impossible! I happen to love Dr. Sears' website and it has been an incredibly useful resource for me since I was pregnant with Aiden but by no means do I put myself in the "attachment parenting" category. I am just a mom who tries to follow her instincts and make informed decisions for my son.  I read, I research, and at the end of the day I do what I FEEL is right for us. Sometimes, that includes aspects of the attachment parenting method and sometimes it does not.

I recently was having a conversation with someone and she chose to make some ignorant comments and pass some pretty mean judgments about my son. Nothing makes you "see red" as a mother more than when someone is speaking negatively about your child and/or your parenting method. Why do people feel they need to tell moms what they are doing wrong and more importantly, why do they need to make it a competition? You get to raise your kids, and I get to raise mine.

Yea, that's right I AM Mom Enough!

That is exactly what TIME magazine did with this cover -- "Are you Mom Enough?" They made it a competition about how to be the better mom and the sad thing is that moms all over the country fell right into that trap. The picture itself is very misleading about breastfeeding a toddler. The way his hands are dropped down to his sides, his facial expression and the awkward position he is standing in do not correctly represent extended breastfeeding in my opinion. I also think that the way the camera is angled, the way he is standing on that stool and even the clothes he is wearing were all intentionally done to make him look even older than he is.  He is 3 years old!

For me, I cannot see myself breastfeeding Aiden at 3 years old. My hope is to be completely done with it by his 2nd birthday and that is not because I think it is weird or gross... I simply feel that I selfishly want my boobs back.. I want some freedom, some space and it really is a decision that is all about ME rather than Aiden. And I am OKAY with that. I want to do what is best for him but I will not be a martyr mom either. Sometimes I will do what is best for ME too. Other moms feel just fine with breastfeeding well beyond the 2nd birthday and that is just wonderful in my opinion! There are so many benefits to both mother and baby with extended breastfeeding and if you still think that is crazy than you haven't done enough reading. The longer a mom can breastfeed, the better and baby-led weaning is actually proven to be the more natural, beneficial route. I hope Aiden weans himself but if it doesn't happen by the time he is 2, there will be some "mommy-led" weaning. Ha!

So here's what I REALLY think about the different aspects of attachment parenting:

1) Drug free birth -- Personally, I think it is kind of insane that women put so much pressure on themselves to labor completely free of pain medication. If men were the ones who gave birth this would never be an issue.. they would take the drugs! But us women, we are a different story. I say, if you can have a drug free birth and feel that is right for you, then go for it! But if you (like me) want to get an epidural, then take care of YOU mama! Delivering vaginally was more important to me than going drug free so at 2am when I was in so much and needed sleep, I got that heavenly epidural. I got some much needed shut-eye and in a few hours I was well rested and ready for the 2 hours of pushing (yes, that's right I had to push for 2 hours) it would take to deliver my child. I truly believe that had I not rested, I would have not had the strength and ultimately been taking in for C-section. I AM GLAD I got the epidural and I would do it again.

2) Breastfeeding -- this has truly been the best experience of my life and my proudest accomplishment. It was not easy and there are so many times I wanted to quit. For something so natural, it is also very, very difficult to get the hang of... I really think that every mom should at least try it and really commit for the first several weeks to trying.  Breast milk is the ideal food for babies, not man-made formula. Babies find the best possible nourishment and also comfort at the breast. Comfort in my opinion is just as important as nutrition so I do not agree with taking that comfort away from an infant who requires it. We value independence as a society way too much in my opinion. Infants are dependent on their mothers .. toddlers too... and small children... why the rush to make them independent? to make them self-soothe? I truly believe that they will learn that naturally and with time and most importantly at their own pace! Aiden will one day not need me for comfort but I do not think that I need to rush him. 13 months, we are still breastfeeding and I am okay with that.

3) Sleeping arrangements -- Mammals sleep close to one another. This goes again with what I stated above about independence. Every child is different, every child has different needs and the best I can say here is -- follow your instincts. I will not put my child down to sleep and let him cry in a room alone. Does that make him spoiled? Again, if you want to label it then go ahead... but I am confident that if he is nurtured and comforted in the way he needs to be, he will eventually grow to be a strong, independent person. He won't be 18 years old and sleeping with me and Daddy..  co-sleeping facilities breastfeeding and I personally could not do one without the other. Wake up, turn the light on, walk across the hall and breastfeed in the middle of the night? NO WAY.. with co-sleeping I barely need to open my eyes to get feedings done. This arrangement benefits us both.

4) Baby-wearing -- I love wearing Aiden in his Moby wrap.. I love cruising him around in his stroller. I don't think wearing him in a sling constantly is necessary and I certainly put him down when he was newborn. I picked him up, snuggled, him, let him sleep on my chest and all that good stuff but I also put him down. Now that he is walking, he doesn't want to be held period ("Give me freedom!!") and we love that about him. That kid will not be confined!  I think the idea of wearing your baby in a sling while doing household chores for example is kind of unnecessary unless of course your baby is hysterical when you put him/her down. Then, I totally get it. Aiden has had moments where he does not want to be put down and rather than let him scream his head off, I will pick  him up. I believe in acknowledging his needs and responding to them. It may not be the biggest dilemma in the world but in HIS WORLD it is the biggest thing. I'm going to give that the attention it deserves. I hope I can continue to give him that when he gets made fun of at school, when he doesn't get picked for a team, and when he goes through his first heart break.

5) Gentle Discipline -- we aren't really there yet with discipline because a 13 month old just isn't ready to be disciplined but we are starting to teach him about certain boundaries. I want him to know he is safe and that boundaries are necessary to keep him safe. I want to MODEL good behavior so that things like "saying please and thank you" are second nature to him. I do not play to tell him to "sit down and shut up" nor do I plan to spank him. I do not see how hitting a child teaches him not to hit others and I know for a fact that hitting children leaves emotional wounds that last well into adulthood. I cannot tell you the number of  adults I have spoken to, who recount stories of being hit as a child and the pain (emotionally) that is caused them. I realize this is controversial and I am not saying that all spanking is child abuse, but I just know so many people who have told me their story of a "spanking" gone too far. I think adults need to learn to be adults and deal with their frustrations...not expect a child to bear the burden of those frustrations.  Discipline is about learning and as Aiden gets older I know we will figure out a gentle form of discipline that works for us.

6) Balance -- Last but not least! I think this is the key point here. Parenting is about learning how to balance... you read and you get advice and you observe the needs of your child and then you put all of that information through a giant filter and work out what is best for YOUR child. No one knows your child better than you and Mrs. Smith from down the block may swear to you that "if you just get him used to it" or "if you keep trying" that your child will adapt and conform to what you want him to do... but YOU as the parent know better. You know your child's personality, you know your own needs, and you know the culture of your family.  If your child is a heavy sleeper, then go ahead and take him out for errands while he naps on the go, if your child is a light sleeper, then go ahead and give him a quiet place to sleep. Don't forget about your needs as a mom, don't forget to take some time for yourself and don't worry about what other people think.

No matter what TIME magazine says, or what Dr. Sears says, or what Mrs. Smith from down the block says...  YOU ARE MOM ENOUGH and so am I :)  So there it is folks.... what I really think about some hot topics in the mommy world lately. Your thoughts/comments are always welcome!

Toddlers!

Ever since Aiden turned 1, we have entered a totally different realm of babyhood.. we have actually come out of babyhood and entered the realm of (tun, ta ta) TODDLER! And I guess the definition of toddler would be "one who toddles" which he definitely does but it is so much more than that. Ever since his birthday, it's like the clouds have parted and he has discovered the world in a whole new way. It is like he has discovered himself and found his voice (literally and figuratively) and there is just no stopping him now!

Aiden is into EVERYTHING! He opens the cabinets, he goes into the toilet, he runs away from us,  he knows what we mean when we say NO and has a complete fit if we say it. He falls and bumps his head, cries about it and then gets back up to do the very same thing again -- such a boy!!  My favorite is actually when he'll pick something up off the floor and slowly bring it up to his mouth, waiting for one of us to tell him not to eat it.. it is so cute and funny to watch. The thing is, at only 13 months old Aiden is starting to assert himself and his personality is shining through.

So far I can tell you that he is a complete jokester - he loves to make us laugh and does so on purpose. He is cuddly and will just run up and give hugs when he feels like it. He is determined - once he sets his mind on a "project" he keeps going until achieving his goal. He is demanding - pay attention to him! And he is vocal about his current state of happiness. He is smart and curious and therefore requires a lot to keep him busy. Books, blocks, toys, music, and yes, ELMO (Sesame Street episodes) are all in full affect when we are at home.  He loves to explore and I love watching him discover more about the world around him.




I got some good advice from a friend about letting Aiden explore while still setting up boundaries. He said that it is just better to child-proof everything and create the safest environment possible. "Make it so that you don't have to say NO"  and I loved that advice. We still tell Aiden "no" but I do try my best to make his surroundings (at home) safe for him to explore freely. I love that he is a thinker and I want to always cultivate that and encourage it. I feel like constantly keeping him in a play pen or behind a gate just so that I won't have to bother is not the best way to do that.

Aiden loves to be outdoors too. He goes to the park almost daily, story time weekly at the library, and I am so excited for the weather warming up because we got a membership to the Bronx Zoo! He just loves to look at things and touch them and he is repeating words like crazy. I know that this is because he gets exposure to so many different things and I love that.  When it is necessary for him to be confined, like in the car seat for example, he is NOT happy about it. We've found that playing music in the car and giving him a book helps and even opening his window so he can gaze outside. That will usually settle him down for a car ride. Any additional tips on that are welcome! We have some road trips planned and I will take all the tips I can get!

Anyway, so far I really LOVE being mom to a toddler =) He is learning and growing so much and I still have no idea how this has happened so fast?!

Painting with Daddy... I made this paint from flour and water so he totally ate some and I was OK with it :)

Using crayons for the first time! 

Happy in the car seat - I was making him laugh!

Sigh... I just love him...   any ideas on how else to keep my little man busy? What do you think about setting boundaries for toddlers and giving them space to explore? I would love to hear from you!