My Little Valentine

 It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside

I'm not one of those who can easily hide

I don't have much money but boy if I did

I'd buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, but then again no

Or a man who makes potions in a traveling showI know it's not much, but it's the best I can do My gift is my song and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song

It may be quite simple but now that it's done

I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is, now you're in the world.

Happy Valentine's Day!

 I Love you Aiden Kyle!

A Mother's Breastfeeding Journey: My final post for Bravado

I’ve been taking some time to look back over the last 9 months since having my baby and to be honest; those first days are already kind of hazy in my memory. I wish I can relive the moment when Aiden was first placed in my arms but here I am, the mother to this growing boy with a budding personality and I am in awe every single day. He is by far the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and I am so grateful that I get to be his Mama. He started cutting his first tooth this past weekend and all he wanted was for me to hold him and cuddle him. I know that our bond is special and for that I know I can thank breastfeeding.

We got off to a rough start and there were many times I thought that I would just quit, but somehow we made it and I achieved my goal of breastfeeding my baby. I can honestly say that it is my proudest accomplishment. I love nursing!



It isn’t easy being a working mom and spending hours separated from Aiden. It isn’t easy to pump at the office and I’m not going to pretend here --- most times I really hate pumping. But when I get home and my baby boy starts lifting his arms and calling “mama” (yep, he is saying mama now) there is no better feeling than curling up with him under a warm blanket and nursing. Well, come to think of it there is one better feeling – knowing that he is getting the very best nutrition from nature’s best milk. I am so very grateful that I have had the chance to breastfeed my son and I went from being “on the fence” about it to being so passionate about it.

This experience has been one of the best of my life and I am so happy that I got to share it with the Bravado community. It was the support from my readers, fellow bloggers, and friends at Bravado that got me through some very tough moments and I will always be grateful for that. This year, I plan to become a certified lactation counselor and share my experience and knowledge with other women. I hope I can help others the way the Bravado team has helped me.


Aiden is growing and happy and thriving… we’ve got 3 more months until his first birthday and I am already planning his party! He is eating more solids, drinking expressed breast milk throughout the day and nursing at night. I am in no rush to wean him though I do plan to introduce whole cow’s milk when he turns 1. We are going to take it slow and just see what happens… I have no problems nursing him into toddlerhood. We’ll see!

Becoming One

Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh... (Genesis 2) 

The most fulfilling experience of my life, besides becoming a mother has been the step of entering into a covenant, a sacred bond with another person and sharing a life with him... being a wife is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. You see, it is through this most intimate of relationships that one discovers even more and it is through these discoveries that I have also been sharpened, molded and continue to be. That has not always been easy but I embrace the process. I am so very thankful for the wonderful man I get to call husband. 

This marriage thing is not always easy. Lately, it seems like so many external influences have tried to make a dent in my marriage. From stress at work to financial pressure, to opinions and negative input from others. Our relationship has been tested in more than one way. As if adjusting to being new parents is not enough! But I do thank God because we are learning just how important "hedges" are around our marriage and why setting boundaries is so necessary. It is something I wish we would have learned to do sooner but I am glad for it now.  

The verse above in Genesis is my favorite on marriage. I can just imagine Adam, looking his bride in the eyes and saying those words -- "this AT LAST is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." It gives me goosebumps every time. The two, became ONE. Or at least, they were on their way to becoming one... 

Becoming one is not something that just magically happens when you say "I Do". It is a process. Two completely different people, from completely different upbringings are brought together to be ONE...  I love how the verse above says -- "and they shall become one flesh"...just the fact that God worded it in this way. THEY SHALL BECOME one flesh. 

In the storybooks and fairy tales, it is at the wedding where the story ends. The Prince and the Princess live happily ever after... but in life, it is at the wedding where the story is just beginning. Nearly 4 years into this marriage thing, I am learning that now. 

My husband and I are starting to really understand what it means to become one. To put each other above all else and make our family's well being the top priority. Yesterday he looked at me, grabbed my hand and grabbed our son and he said -"you see this? this is all that matters." It is in the toughest of times that we have learned to stick together and it is in these times when it has mattered most. 

We are both so far from perfect and we have so much growing and learning to do, but HIS GRACE is enough. Enough for me, enough for my marriage, enough for our family. I know that if not for that grace, I don't know where we would be. 

It has been a difficult weekend with tears and pain ... but I am so grateful that we are facing challenges united and as a team.  I can honestly say that I sit here feeling so blessed and loving my husband even more today than I did yesterday :) 

When Mean Girls Grow Up

It is only after much soul searching, praying and reading that I feel ready to write my thoughts on this subject. As a general rule, I try to do those 3 things (pray, read, reflect) before I write about any subject but especially one that I may feel emotional about. This is one of those.

Mean Girls is one of my favorite movies and the cast is AMAZING. Tina Fey, who happens to be one of my favorite writers (she is amazingly talented) put this incredible screen play together based on a book called "Queen Bees and Wannabees" by Rosalind Wisemen. It is funny and charming and most of all it really sends a good message. It's one of the movies I can watch over and over again... and thinking back to middle school and high school days, it is one that I can definitely relate to.

Female relationships have always been challenging for me. For as long as I can remember, it is by female friends that I have experienced the most rejection, betrayal, hurt, and ironically enough the most joy, sisterhood, and fun. It is precisely because the relationships between girls can be so rewarding, that they can also be the most challenging. It is for some a great mystery (especially men) and I assure you, I have worked hard to wrap my head around it and prayed hard to overcome it.

The movie Mean Girls is probably the last thing you would think of regarding friendships between intelligent, professional, mature adult women but I will say right here and right now (from experience) it is not too far fetched. Sure, we aren't parading down school hallways anymore, but we are in offices, houses of worship, mom groups, and social gatherings. The mean girls - the Queen Bees and Wannabees have GROWN UP and now they are just mean women.

I've been reading excerpts of the book "Mean Girls Grown Up" by Cheryl Dellasega and it is incredibly thought provoking. So much of what she has to say resonates with me that I don't know where to start but let me start here: Cheryl says that these "mean girl" behaviors are called female relational aggression or RA. She calls RA "the subtle art of emotional devastation that takes place every day at home, at work, or in community settings. Unlike openly aggressive men, women learn early on to go undercover with these assaults, often catching their victims unaware."

What is RA? (from chapter 1)

Whether or not you're a mother, you probably understand these scenarios intuitively: the girl who gets excluded from a crowd she previously belonged to; the newcomer who fails to be accepted by other girls no matter what she does; the girl who is somehow different and targeted for that reason; or the popular Queen Bee, who buzzes from place to place spreading discomfort and manipulating others with her words. Sounds pretty juvenile, doesn't it?

She classifies women into three categories and explains that they can switch between these three at different times or circumstances in life.

Queen Bees
These women are at the top of the RA chain, exerting their authority and jealousy protecting their power. At some point or another in life, we have all taken on the role of  Queen Bee. Deciding who and who NOT to include when planning a party, "venting" to a friend or two or three about another female friend, rallying the support of others when we feel threatened by someone. These behaviors come from all different places but I assure you, the "Queen Bee" is the most insecure of them all. She is not sure of who she is or where she is in life ... she subconsciously pushes other women down, emotionally excludes them and it makes her feel just a little better about herself.

Middle Bees
In my opinion, these are the most dangerous of the bunch. Often the Middle Bee is the woman who gathers information and spreads gossip, and sometimes she simply does nothing to stop the aggression she witnesses. "The Middle Bee's position of non involvement can be used… to turn her into an accomplice." This is my blog so I will be honest -- I have encountered many, many Middle Bees in my life. It's the girl who says nothing when others are gossiping about me, offers neutral comments or changes the subject. She is not technically participating in the slander but she does nothing to stop it. This is the girl I have the most difficulty trusting. It is also the girl I have many times allowed myself to be. Here's what I've learned -- if you are speaking negatively about one of my friends, I will kindly ask you to stop. Not in front of me, not around me. She is my friend and I care for her..  I will not aid gossip by my actions or non-actions.

Afraid to Bees
We have definitely all been here! The 'afraid to bee" is the victim in the particular situation. Victimized women are afraid — afraid to speak up, afraid to remove themselves from unhealthy situations… too frightened to allow their real potential to be realized. It is being in this role that has probably taught me the most about myself and though it can be very rough, I am grateful for it. When I have been victimized by "Mean Girls or Mean Women" it honestly brings me back to other instances when I have done the very same thing to others. It makes me look deep within myself (once I can get past the initial sting) and it reminds me of who I want to be. I have learned that when a woman uses RA against me, it is not because of me but because of herself. I have learned that sometimes all I need to do is set up healthy boundaries and I have learned above all that I want to be a kind, loyal, and true friend.

Out of my longtime group of "girlfriends" I was the first to get married, the first to have a child, and many times the first to be isolated from the group. Suddenly, the focus went from "friends hanging out" to "single friends hanging out" and for whatever reason I could no longer be included. I tried stomping my feet about it, I tried crying about it, I tried to retaliate and hurt right back... and I will even admit that I tried to downgrade my happiness in my marriage so as to gain acceptance again. But eventually I learned to move on... I learned to make new friends and I strive every day to allow myself to grow closer and form trust bonds with new women.  I learned with much effort, to forgive too. I realize now that I can only control me and I feel pretty great about that.

The bottom line here is us women need each other... we need to support one another and stop this crazy cycle of RA. Women are the glue that hold families together -- we are multi-tasking ninjas, we are nurturing and gentle yet strong enough to give birth... we are smart and savvy... I mean, where would this world be without us? We need to unite my Sistas! As Beyonce would say - GIRLS we run the world!
XO,

What NOT to Balance + Relationships & Emotions = Eternity

The second part of the "Balance" series at my church was in a word... overflowing?  I feel like part one was the top slice of bread on a very meaty, cheesy, flavorful sandwich. Ughh now I'm hungry - focus April!Anyway, I think that if any of the sermons will contain "April-isms" this one certainly did. My Pastor talked about Relationships AND Emotions in the same hour! It's funny because all I could keep thinking was "how am I going to blog my way through this?" You've had your warning, just bare with me here. The bible story we read was about Mary and her sister Martha -- Luke 10: 38-41

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made.

In this story, Mary and Martha are having a visit with Jesus. They could not be more different in their approach to making Jesus feel loved and valued in their home. Martha was running around preparing her home so that it would be perfect for Jesus' visit, while Mary was just sitting at his feet, listening and hanging on every word that he said. I totally think Martha was OCD but that is just a theory. Anyway, when reading about these two women, I can see pieces of myself in both of them and for different reasons. I love to have people come over and create a relaxing and fun environment for my guests. I usually clean up the house, put out snacks and light the scented candles. I am absolutely mortified if someone drops by unannounced because I did not  have time to prepare for their visit. In this, I can totally relate to Martha and why she was so adamant about making her home perfect for the Lord's visit. But then there is Mary ... 

Reading about her made me think back to when my husband (then, boyfriend) would come over to my house to visit. I lived at home with my mom and grandparents so we rarely ever got privacy and visits never seemed like they were long enough. When he would come over, I dropped everything to sit with him on the sofa and talk or watch a movie. Many times, a lot needed to be done around the house but I was just so happy to be with someone I loved... I wanted to soak up every minute we had before it was time for him to leave. I imagine Mary sitting there at the feet of Jesus and I think I can relate to her too.

What NOT to balance...
"God is not to be balanced"

Among the three people in this story, the first relationship here is the one between Mary and Jesus. He was obviously someone she loved (NO I am not getting all "Da Vincci Code" here) .. he was her teacher, the son of God, her soon to be savior and she valued every word that came out of his mouth. She gave all of who she was over in that moment to just soak up her time with Jesus. My pastor said it best - "Martha opened up her home to Jesus, but Mary opened up her heart."

In my constant search for balance, there is one thing that I don't need to balance... and that is my relationship with God. You see, I can't divide my life up into this perfectly sliced pie and make JESUS one of the slices. He is the pan that holds the whole pie together.. (doh!, there goes another food reference)  He is not to be balanced. I found such freedom in this and such comfort also.

... cont..."She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”



Relationships...
"Effective communication and boundaries"

The next relationship in this story to look at is the one between Mary and Martha. Martha was obviously frustrated that Mary was not doing her share of the work and she made it clear when she complained to Jesus about it. So what was the problem with that? Martha was upset at Mary and instead of talking to Mary she talked to a third party about it. Boooooo Martha!! LOL

I have reacted exactly like Martha in moments when I am upset at a friend and let me tell you, it never, ever makes things better. There is so much about myself that I have been asking God to help me change and this is one of those things. Gossip is the kind of sin that sneaks up on you and once I share a frustration with another person (who is not the person I am frustrated with), a downward spiral ensues. In that same token, I have also been on Mary's side of things where someone who is mad at me, does not come to tell me but rather tells someone else about it...If I'm being honest, the latter tends to be more prevalent in my life for some reason... so, here's the problem with that -- it always comes back around and then I feel pretty darn crappy about it.  Why do we fall into this crazy cycle? It creates such imbalance in our relationships. Honesty and communication are so important. I would rather have a conversation that gets a little ugly, than have no conversation at all.

So here's what really spoke to me about all of this --- BOUNDARIES. My Pastor highlighted the fact that despite Martha's behavior, she did not allow herself to be swayed or manipulated because she established the appropriate boundaries... that is an area I really need to work on! I will admit that I tend to have an "approval addiction" and it is so difficult for me to deal with not being accepted by someone. It really comes with being more secure with myself and creating emotional boundaries. Relationships without boundaries are destined for imbalance. It is a truth that may be difficult to accept, but one that I am slowly  but surely learning.

...cont...“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,

Emotions...
"Anger and Anxiousness"

What are the two main emotions that throw us off balance? Yep, anger and anxiousness. I experience a little of those probably too often and that is something I am committed to working on. The bible says "do not worry about tomorrow"... I mean, how much stress and heartache do we add on to our lives by worrying? My husband calls me "the worry-bug" and I am determined to change that for 2012!

but Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”


Eternity...

At the end of it all... eternity is in the balance. Mary's decision to open up her heart to Jesus was what I like to call an "eternity decision". It's so easy to get wrapped up in life and the many things we are facing on a daily basis. It's so easy to let eternity get lost in the shuffle... but as a Christian, what I am saying is - I am a follower of Jesus, this is what I believe and this is my goal for eternity..  maybe I need to stop focusing too much on all of my "life decisions" and start making some "eternity decisions".

Well, that was my take on Part Two. I am learning so much guys, and blogging through it is really helping me reflect. Thanks for reading.

BALANCE Ya'll!! =)

The Hunger Games Trilogy: Oh, How I Miss you!!

For the month of January, I am sticking to reading devotionals and faith filled books as a part of a 21 day journey I have decided to embark on. I am currently reading "Glory Revealed" by David Nasser which is really awesome. In case you didn't know, Glory Revealed is a musical project, put together by a group of some of my favorite Christian recording artists. Mac Powell from Third Day organized this "creative retreat" for all of these people - Mark Hall from Casting Crowns, Brian Litrell of Backstreet Boys, Kari Jobe, just a bunch of really talented people... and they prayed together and wrote songs together to bring bible scriptures to life through music. If you haven't heard it yet, I suggest you get the Glory Revealed CD. Sooo good! Anyway, there is a book that goes along with it and I am reading it and it's great.... but can I just admit something?? I CANNOT WAIT to pick up a good piece of fiction again!

And I mean GOOD fiction! Something with an addictive story, fantasy, feel good, light reading. The last thing I read like that was The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins and I miss it so! I cannot wait for the movie to come out in March so that I can relive it again.

Have you read The Hunger Games? No? But you must!!! Seriously guys it is so good. It's about a post apocalyptic society called "Panem". It is where North America used to be and has been divided up into 13 districts. Each district specializes in a trade and all the districts are controlled by "the capital". In order to maintain this control and discourage a rebellion, the capital hosts an event called "The Hunger Games" every year where two teenagers (one boy, one girl) from each district are placed in an arena to fight to the death.... oh, and it's all on reality television! The last "tribute" standing is the winner and that person gets all sorts of prizes (money, food etc.) for his or her district.

Well, the main character.. her name is Katniss and as I am sure you have guessed by now - she goes to compete in the games. She is NO damsel in distress and I love her... she's bad ass. I loved reading this story and I simply devoured it. I think I finished the whole trilogy in a week. SO good you guys!  My only complaint is that the end felt a little rushed and it all just happened too fast for me. I thought the author would take her time a little more in wrapping things up but still, it was a  great read.

So, your homework for this weekend is to go out and get a copy of The Hunger Games and tell me what you think :) Also, I am taking suggestions for a good piece of fiction to read next! Let me know people.

Have a great weekend!
XO,

The Mother Lion

Yep, that's me!

This might be a rambling / ranting one but I don't really care ... I need to let it out! So, have you heard that motherhood changes you? Well, I can confirm.. it really, truly does! And do you want to know the biggest thing it has changed about me? I'll tell you --- having Aiden has turned me into what I like to call "the mother lion". Here's how it works:

Person A admires my baby.... I allow person Person A to hold my baby.... my baby begins to scream while being held by Person A and I turn into "the mother lion", grab my baby and will be ready to pounce on Person A if there is any hesitation to hand him over.

Now, this didn't happen overnight... and when I allow myself to think back to those first few weeks of motherhood, I actually get angry at myself for not breaking out "the mother lion" sooner. If someone would grab my baby and go into another room, I would sit there choking on my anxiety, palms sweaty, heart beating, because I didn't want to make them feel bad or be seen as the overprotective new mother. My poor little newborn just needed to feel his Mama close to him and I didn't respond to his needs because of this. It seriously angers me when I think back on it but you live and you learn and I have learned!

This does not mean that I immediately jump to my baby's rescue the minute he cries... not at all. I will happily give whoever is holding him a chance to soothe him... but here are the things I am looking for in said person's response to the cries of my precious baby --- 1) that they actually care he is crying. This means NO laughing or not taking it seriously that my little one is upset. 2) that they acknowledge my place as the mother.. this means that if I am in the room don't go walking away to get him away from me thinking that will help. Chances are, he is crying because he isn't too fond of being held by you, so take it slow and let me smooth things over. If he sees that you are cool with his Mama, he will be cool with you too.

Seriously, it is annoying and I am sick and tired of explaining this to people. I get it - you want to hold the baby, he is cute and all that... trust me, I get it. BUT babies are human beings who also need their personal space respected. How would you feel if you were standing on 41st and Lexington, and an absolute stranger comes over and picks you up off the ground? I bet you'd start screaming and hitting the dude with you purse right? Well, a baby is no different. If he doesn't know you, he isn't going to want you to pick him up. You have to take it slow... talk to him, play with him and let him see that you are his mommy's friend.

And just because I want to put this in writing, let me make it clear --- I AM the mother lion... I AM my child's gatekeeper. All access to my child will be through me and his father. On our terms, and by our rules. There is no such thing as "entitlement" and I don't care who you are or how much DNA you share in common with him. For the next 18 years at least  -- I am the boss of Aiden. Whoever cannot respect me, will have limited access to him. That is that.

Don't mess with the Mother Lion!