Trust: It's like a chair

My aunt Shirley gave me some pretty awesome advice that I just had to share.... TRUST is something so precious to me, and I am sure to many in our relationships with others. Once someone has my trust, they are on a whole other level with me and just as it is precious, it is not easy to gain. And just as it is not easy to gain, it is not easy to regain once that trust has been betrayed. Lately, I've been praying and asking God to help me with trust issues. To help me trust and see the good in others. To give GRACE as it was given to me. I know that my prayers will be answered. In the mean time, I'd like to share the words my aunt shared with me about trust---

It's like a chair. If it fails to hold your weight, you can't trust it anymore until it is made right. It needs to be repaired. It takes work. If the chair never gets aligned with rightness or in our case righteousness, trust cannot happen again

Hoping we can do the "work" to fix our broken chairs,

~A

"If I was all that was left, would I be enough?"

• Contemplating so many things right now...

• praying and quietly reflecting...

• grasping on to PEACE because it can sometimes feel like I am drowning in loneliness, Despite the fullness of my life.

• Remembering a Spanish worship song - "Jesus mi Fiel Amigo, Mi Dulce Caminar, Quedate conmigo" ...

• Understanding and believing that he is my ONLY faithful friend.

• Hoping that one day I will open my heart enough to trust a friend again.

• Knowing that even if I cannot, even if there was no-one and HE was all that was left... HE would be enough :)

~A

The Breast-milk Baby?

Okay, so since becoming a new mom this spring my blog posts have started to take on a more "baby" theme. I do not want to constantly talk babies but it just happens to be a huge part of my life right now and though I do have lots of other things going on, this is the most important part so there ya go! Anyway, I decided to breastfeed my baby when I was pregnant and have been able to chronicle my experience on a blog called "The Breastfeeding Diaries" for Bravado Designs. You can follow me here: http://www.bravadodesigns.com/connect/bravado-mama-blogs/april-picon-blog

I am really excited about breastfeeding and everything I am learning about nursing my child. Especially since I do not have memories as a child of anyone in my family breastfeeding their baby, it is all very new to me. It also seems like very few women make the decision to breastfeed in general and it has been nice to get connected to a network of women and bond with new friends who are also nursing their babies. I do hope that my future daughter (woah did I just mention having MORE kids?!) will make the decision to breastfeed as well - it is a wonderful experience!

But should she (my future daughter - there we go again) have a baby doll that teaches her about breastfeeding? There is a doll coming to the U.S. called "The Breast-milk Baby" and it has brought about mixed reactions from parents. Some think it is making young girls too aware of their breasts, too sexual, or what have you. What do you think?

For me, I think baby dolls in general are not ideal toys for little girls. I played with dolls as a kid and would pretend to be a mommy and I feel like I could have spent more time building things or solving puzzles. My friend summed it up pretty simply - "Why grow up so fast?"

On the flip side of that, why is it OK for little girls to bottle feed their baby dolls and not breastfeed them? Any child of a nursing mother would automatically imitate her mom and nurse her dolls... maybe it is a good idea so that girls can learn to be proud of their bodies for the ACTUAL purpose they are meant for (nourishing a future baby) instead of being sucked into that sexual, fashion-magazine body image that so many young girls struggle with.

I'm not sure how I feel about this... but one thing is for sure, the doll is 89 bucks so my future daughter (ughh I said it again) will NOT be getting one of these. =) ha!

Father's Day 2011

Yesterday was Father's Day! I had lots of thoughts because for so many years, Father's day was not really a day I looked forward to or got excited about. Since it's always on a Sunday, there is always something special going on at church to recognize Dads. At my old church, I remember that all the fathers were asked to come up for a special prayer with their children... I was about 13 or 14 at that time and I remember just going into the bathroom and staying there until I could be sure this part of the program was over.

As a kid in school, it was hard when we made Father's Day cards and I had no one to bring it home to. I would usually just give it to an uncle or someone I loved like a father but it never felt fun or exciting. As I've gotten older, it has gotten easier to deal with.. but still, I never get excited for Father's Day. This year though, that all changed!

My husband and I were blessed with a beautiful baby boy this year and yesterday, we got to celebrate my husband's first father's day! For weeks I was planning and brainstorming to find the perfect gift and I think it was a success.

I had a personalized guitar strap made for him with our son's footprints, name and DOB printed. He loved it! Check out the pics:

He also got a homemade breakfast before we headed out to church! It was so nice to do special things to make him happy and I'm so grateful he is the father of my child. The 3 of us enjoyed a special morning alone as a family and Daddy had a great day! yay!

I love my little family!

Hope all the Dad's had a great day too =) Can't wait for next year!

Summa Time =)

I was born in California but my whole family will tell you that I am a New York girl :) I love the city, the ability to jump on the subway and go just about anywhere, I love the restaurants, the people and most of all, I LOVE the art in New York City. We have Broadway, museums, fine art fairs all throughout and of course the summer music is the best. I am really excited for Summer!! It's my favorite season because I love to just hang out in casual cargo pants and flip flops for 3 straight months. I am super duper excited and am making my fun summer plans already.


* The Beach! - The two main things that keep my "California girl" side alive are my love for the beach and the Lakers. I love, love, love the ocean and the salty/sandy smell of the beach. I like to lay down right in the sand and ride the waves daring myself to go further and further back as I can find the courage. I love walking on the smooth sand right near the water and squishing my toes in it... I love sunbathing and reading a book with the sound of the waves in the background. This year, I will be rocking my "post baby body" in a cute one piece bathing suit - red and blue stripes from Old Navy.

* The Getaways! - My husband has already planned a little getaway to a bed and breakfast in Long Island for us. It will be our first time away from the little prince overnight. I'm excited for that! We are also going away as a family for my aunt's wedding this month and have a few more getaways in the works! Yay!

* Summer Reads! - Books are so fun during the summer. I am excited to put down the pregnancy and parenting books I've been consumed with and start reading for pleasure again this summer. I've got to read "The Help" before the movie comes out.

*Cookouts! - Several kids birthday parties and family events centered around BBQ this summer. I can't wait. I love food cooked on the grill, Iced-Tea, Lemonade and fruit galore! yummy!

*Iced Coffee! - I am starting to make it at home but will frequent D&D to pick up my favorite iced lattes. It's just a small pleasure that keeps me happy.

*The mani/pedis - I go for manicure and pedicures a lot more often in the summer especially to keep my feet "flip-flop worthy". It is sooo relaxing and I love my little nail spot.

MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE thing I am looking forward to this summer ---
*Walks with my precious boy -- I just love taking him out in the stroller and plan to spend lots of time exploring with him. He is so alert already looking around at everything and reaching out to grab things in front of him. I just adore him =)

This Mama is super duper excited for "Summa, summa, summa time" (See Fresh Prince adn Jazzy Jeff song here)

What are some of your favorite things about summer time?

XO,

April

My First Night with My Son...

On April 21st, my life changed forever. I gave birth at 11:01 am to the most beautiful baby boy I have ever seen. My contractions started at about 9 pm the night before and the labor went a lot better than I had imagined it. My son Aiden Kyle Picon was finally here weighing in at 7 pounds 3 ounces. The nurse placed him skin-to-skin on my chest and he immediately made his way over to my breast and latched on! I thought to myself “wow, this is going to be easier than I thought”… boy was I wrong!

Continue reading on my Bravado Designs blog - http://www.bravadodesigns.com/connect/bravado-mama-blogs/april-picon-blog

I cried a whole lot, I hoped, got angry, and prayed a lot too. Then I had a cup of tea, picked myself up and moved on...

I'm a "stay at home mom" right now and it's been a very HARD but rewarding job. There is no better "paycheck" than seeing your little baby happy and cared for. Like a lot of stay at home moms, I do watch daytime television. I will pretty much try any advice Oprah or Dr. Oz has to offer and when I tell people that I am eating something because Dr. Oz says so, they immediately respond with an "Oh Wow, really? I'm gonna try that too." No questions asked. That's where this post actually comes from - something Oprah said that flipped a switch in my head and caused a huge "Aha moment."

She had some white supremacists on her show to talk about racism. Oprah, like me, is big on communication and talking things out. She always says that open, honest conversations are important and it is a huge priority in my life to always communicate and avoid "stone-walling" when it comes to my feelings. But she said that during this particular show, she realized something surprising -- This conversation was not helping, it was making the whole situation worse. She realized at that moment that not everything should be discussed and some conversations just aren't going to be "communication" no matter how much you want them to be. Some conversations just make things worse.

I had been dealing with a lot of pain since the ending of 2010 and that situation, paired with my pregnancy and the hormones, created a wound in my heart that I had hoped an open, honest conversation would eventually heal. I cried a whole lot, I hoped for a reconciliation, I got angry at the situation and the person(s) involved, I prayed in secret for direction, discernment, and forgiveness. AND THEN, I had my "aha moment". Some conversations just aren't going to be communicative and maybe that's why I won't have them. Some conversations will just make things worse and maybe man's rejection really is God's protection. Maybe with marriage and motherhood my life is really just taking a turn and "talking things out" will just make the break jagged instead of clean.

So, I had a cup of tea and I wrote this blog... I picked myself up out of my sadness and I looked into the big grey-blue eyes of my new baby boy... and I moved on. And it feels good, and I feel stronger. What's done is done and some conversations, just don't need to happen.

Savoring peace,

~A