Summa Time =)

I was born in California but my whole family will tell you that I am a New York girl :) I love the city, the ability to jump on the subway and go just about anywhere, I love the restaurants, the people and most of all, I LOVE the art in New York City. We have Broadway, museums, fine art fairs all throughout and of course the summer music is the best. I am really excited for Summer!! It's my favorite season because I love to just hang out in casual cargo pants and flip flops for 3 straight months. I am super duper excited and am making my fun summer plans already.


* The Beach! - The two main things that keep my "California girl" side alive are my love for the beach and the Lakers. I love, love, love the ocean and the salty/sandy smell of the beach. I like to lay down right in the sand and ride the waves daring myself to go further and further back as I can find the courage. I love walking on the smooth sand right near the water and squishing my toes in it... I love sunbathing and reading a book with the sound of the waves in the background. This year, I will be rocking my "post baby body" in a cute one piece bathing suit - red and blue stripes from Old Navy.

* The Getaways! - My husband has already planned a little getaway to a bed and breakfast in Long Island for us. It will be our first time away from the little prince overnight. I'm excited for that! We are also going away as a family for my aunt's wedding this month and have a few more getaways in the works! Yay!

* Summer Reads! - Books are so fun during the summer. I am excited to put down the pregnancy and parenting books I've been consumed with and start reading for pleasure again this summer. I've got to read "The Help" before the movie comes out.

*Cookouts! - Several kids birthday parties and family events centered around BBQ this summer. I can't wait. I love food cooked on the grill, Iced-Tea, Lemonade and fruit galore! yummy!

*Iced Coffee! - I am starting to make it at home but will frequent D&D to pick up my favorite iced lattes. It's just a small pleasure that keeps me happy.

*The mani/pedis - I go for manicure and pedicures a lot more often in the summer especially to keep my feet "flip-flop worthy". It is sooo relaxing and I love my little nail spot.

MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE thing I am looking forward to this summer ---
*Walks with my precious boy -- I just love taking him out in the stroller and plan to spend lots of time exploring with him. He is so alert already looking around at everything and reaching out to grab things in front of him. I just adore him =)

This Mama is super duper excited for "Summa, summa, summa time" (See Fresh Prince adn Jazzy Jeff song here)

What are some of your favorite things about summer time?

XO,

April

My First Night with My Son...

On April 21st, my life changed forever. I gave birth at 11:01 am to the most beautiful baby boy I have ever seen. My contractions started at about 9 pm the night before and the labor went a lot better than I had imagined it. My son Aiden Kyle Picon was finally here weighing in at 7 pounds 3 ounces. The nurse placed him skin-to-skin on my chest and he immediately made his way over to my breast and latched on! I thought to myself “wow, this is going to be easier than I thought”… boy was I wrong!

Continue reading on my Bravado Designs blog - http://www.bravadodesigns.com/connect/bravado-mama-blogs/april-picon-blog

I cried a whole lot, I hoped, got angry, and prayed a lot too. Then I had a cup of tea, picked myself up and moved on...

I'm a "stay at home mom" right now and it's been a very HARD but rewarding job. There is no better "paycheck" than seeing your little baby happy and cared for. Like a lot of stay at home moms, I do watch daytime television. I will pretty much try any advice Oprah or Dr. Oz has to offer and when I tell people that I am eating something because Dr. Oz says so, they immediately respond with an "Oh Wow, really? I'm gonna try that too." No questions asked. That's where this post actually comes from - something Oprah said that flipped a switch in my head and caused a huge "Aha moment."

She had some white supremacists on her show to talk about racism. Oprah, like me, is big on communication and talking things out. She always says that open, honest conversations are important and it is a huge priority in my life to always communicate and avoid "stone-walling" when it comes to my feelings. But she said that during this particular show, she realized something surprising -- This conversation was not helping, it was making the whole situation worse. She realized at that moment that not everything should be discussed and some conversations just aren't going to be "communication" no matter how much you want them to be. Some conversations just make things worse.

I had been dealing with a lot of pain since the ending of 2010 and that situation, paired with my pregnancy and the hormones, created a wound in my heart that I had hoped an open, honest conversation would eventually heal. I cried a whole lot, I hoped for a reconciliation, I got angry at the situation and the person(s) involved, I prayed in secret for direction, discernment, and forgiveness. AND THEN, I had my "aha moment". Some conversations just aren't going to be communicative and maybe that's why I won't have them. Some conversations will just make things worse and maybe man's rejection really is God's protection. Maybe with marriage and motherhood my life is really just taking a turn and "talking things out" will just make the break jagged instead of clean.

So, I had a cup of tea and I wrote this blog... I picked myself up out of my sadness and I looked into the big grey-blue eyes of my new baby boy... and I moved on. And it feels good, and I feel stronger. What's done is done and some conversations, just don't need to happen.

Savoring peace,

~A

It's a Film Review! - Bridesmaids

Since having our son, my husband and I have been making a conscious effort to go out for "date nights" or time with friends every so often. It really is difficult being a new mom and leaving your baby even for just a few hours but I know that time out from my sweatpants & ponytail, cleaning up poop and baby spit up is important for me. After a fun night out, I can come home refreshed and ready to give 100% to my little man.

Well, a few nights ago we went out to a great Italian restaurant here in the Bronx called "Patricia's" (I highly recommend the Salmon btw) and then to see the new movie "Bridesmaids". I didn't anticipate much from this movie but absolutely LOVED it! I had to take to my laptop and write about it!

Here's the brief synopsis from Wikipedia: Annie and Lillian have been best friends since their childhood days growing up in Milwaukee; when Lillian gets engaged, she asks Annie to be her Maid of Honor. Lillian also selects four bridesmaids: Helen Harris, the wealthy wife of Lillian's fiancé's boss and Lillian's new close friend; Becca, a newlywed who loves marriage and pities Annie because of her unmarried state; Megan, the aggressive sister of the groom; and Rita, a relative who is dissatisfied with her marriage and three sons. While the wedding preparations continue, Annie's personal life is falling apart. Her cake shop went bankrupt, forcing her to take a job at a jewelry store where she is an ineffective saleswoman and makes very little money. She is kicked out of the apartment that she shares with a pair of invasive twins. Despite advice from her friends, Annie is in the midst of a self destructive relationship with a man who only thinks of her as a sex buddy. Annie's chaotic personal life, budgetary restrictions, and insecurity about Lillian and Helen's friendship begin to take their toll as the wedding draws nearer.

First of all, I must say that be ready to LAUGH if you go see this. I cried from laughter it was so funny but more than that, it was such a great story! So well written and executed with a really great message or two about love and friendship. The Lillian character I could relate to best because I am married and remember the experience of being a "bride". It's so easy to get wrapped up in the wedding because it's a once in a lifetime celebration and every bride wants her day to be perfect. Lillian was kind of insensitive to her friend Annie and wrapped up in "her world" too much to notice that Annie was really struggling. To be fair, a girl only gets one time in her life to be a bride and it's the one time it should be okay to be a little selfish but I remember that feeling and the beginning of feeling distance between myself and a close friend.

I had bridesmaids at my wedding but they weren't nearly as colorful as this group! I absolutely love the character of the groom's sister Megan. She was hilarious but REAL and the most empathetic of the girls toward Annie.

Annie was struggling with her own life and this prevented her from being happy for her best friend. She also felt insecure because of Lil's relationship with Becca (who was a bit evil) her new close friend. That's always a tricky thing when you bring together a "childhood" friend with a "new" friend in female relationships. Becca and Annie were pretty much at war for Lil's friendship from the start. One of my favorite scenes shows this when the girls each give a toast at Lillian's engagement party. Hilarious!

Overall I really loved the "message" about friendship in this movie. Annie demonstrated some CRAZY behavior but she dealt with her feelings about Lil getting married. She wasn't afraid to show how she felt and didn't cover up her jealousy and insecurity... even if it made her look kind of mentally unstable LOL. It was through this realness and honesty that she eventually got things together and found some happiness of her own.

I don't want to say anymore or give anything else away -- if you haven't seen Bridesmaids, GO SEE IT!! I give it ten thousand stars :)

As I Am ( a message for my blog "lurkers")

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe

This is going to be a short and sweet one but ya know what the beauty of this blog is? It is that I will always express myself with realness and the pure feeling on my heart. It may not always be pretty, but I can guarantee it will always come from a good place. It may rub some of you the wrong way but all I can say is -- don't take it personal, or if you will... don't read it. That's the beauty of this.. you can always click the "CLOSE" button.

Some people feel I need to censor myself or stop blogging altogether. This post is to assure you all that I will do no such thing. I'm a person, I have feelings and I have every right to express them so that I can work through those feelings. That's what I promised myself and that is the whole point of this blog existing. Oddly enough, it isn't about YOU or HER or HIM. It is actually about me :) I know, that sounds crazy right? Lol!

So I will continue to express my thoughts and my heart on certain situations in my life. My wonderful readers can express their comments, offer their advice or support.... All of those who follow this blog are great at that and I sooo appreciate them. And then for the rest of you who don't follow but simply lurk in the shadows. I would hope that you can come out of the closet and join the conversation so that we can all learn more. If not, hit that close button and you'll be much happier trust me.

To all my supporters - thank you for accepting me as I am =)

~A

My Birth Story

I did my best to keep notes but most of this is just based on what I can remember while it's still pretty fresh in my head--

My due date was Sunday April 17th and as the case with most first-time moms, the date came and went and still no baby! It's kind of frustrating when you've been waiting 9 months for something and it doesn't happen but it was also kind of a relief. I wanted to give Baby Picon all the time he needed and I so desperately wanted the birthing process to occur as naturally as possible. So, I started to distract myself and just pray that when it did happen I wouldn't be in a public place - Lol!

On the 18th I went into my doctor's office for a checkup and she decided to put me on the fetal monitor for about half hour to check out the baby's activity. This is when things got a little scary. Baby Picon was not as active as my doctor wanted to see and this can sometimes indicate that there is stress affecting the baby. She sent me to the hospital that same day for more in depth testing. After drinking some orange juice and spending about 4 hours in the hospital, they decided that the baby seemed fine but if labor did not start on it's own that week, they would induce me on Friday. I had heard many horror stories about Pitocin and was DREADING being induced. I went home and prayed, and prayed, and prayed some more that I would not have to use Pitocin to get my contractions going.

I spent Tuesday of that week at my mom's house celebrating my grandfather's 90th birthday and felt lots of movement from the baby that day. I experienced a few sharp pains but nothing substantial so I just continued to hope. The next day (Wednesday) I was at home and felt the baby move ONCE in a 4 or 5 hour period. I tried not to panic but deep down I felt that something was wrong. I drank some orange juice and layed down on my side for a while and felt nothing. I called my doctor who instructed me to go to the hospital right away. My mom drove me and I called my husband. He immediately left work. I was so scared at that point and just wanted to get my baby out! At the hospital the doctor told me that I would have to be admitted and induced early the next morning. I was still nervous about the Pitocin but decided it was more important to get my baby out safely.

That night, the doctor gave me Cervadil which is a medicine used to begin the softening of the cervix in preparation for labor. She said "order some food and get a good night's sleep while the Cervadil does it's job.. we will start the Pitocin in the morning to get your labor going." My husband went out and got some UNO's Pizza and we got cozy in my hospital room. We put on American Idol and just relaxed. In my mind, this was my last night of good sleep before the baby so I was going to enjoy it. However, things rarely work out as I plan them and my contractions started just two hours after being given the Cervadil. Around 9pm I started getting contractions that were about 5 minutes apart. They were not that intense and the nurse told me they wouldn't get any worse. If they did, she would take the Cervadil out.

By 11pm that night, the contractions were very intense but no one really thought they were (except for me of course). I tend to internalize when it comes to pain so with my husband on the hospital bed next to me, I would breath through each contraction and just try to keep my cool. I kept telling myself "April, this is nothing compared to what's coming so don't be such a punk". My husband began to realize that I was really in pain and he helped me breath through the contractions. My nurse decided to come in and check me and to my surprise I was 4 centimeters dilated! My first words to J.J. after that were "CALL MY MOM".

I was in so much pain at that point and they moved me into a delivery room. I got my epidural and have to admit it was painful but once it took affect --- HEAVEN!! I went to sleep from 2:30am until 7am and when I woke up, my water had broken. About an hour after my water broke, the nurse checked and I was fully dilated and ready to start pushing.

By this point, I decided that I wanted to put on some makeup for some reason. Don't ask me why! But I'm so glad I had been able to sleep a bit and get some strength for what was coming next-- the REAL work.

I started pushing at 9am and at first, it was kind of hard because I didn't feel the "urge" very strongly. I decided not to click my epidural button anymore and let the pain actually work toward something. That did the trick! I started to gain momentum and the pushing started really progressing. I could feel the baby lowering and as he did, the urge became even stronger. At this point, I was mentally in a place of "I CAN DO THIS" and I kept telling myself "April, you were made for this!". My husband, mom and mother-in-law were in the room and I just kept hearing "WOW April you're doing great" and those encouragements kept me going. Around 10:30am, it started getting really, really hard! I've been told that pushing a baby out feels like the biggest "#2" of your life but I beg to differ! It did not feel like I was doing a #2 at all.. it felt like I was pushing a human being out of me! LOL.

For me, this was probably the most painful part. One of my friends described it best as "The ring of fire" and that's exactly what I felt. At this point I had to go somewhere else mentally to get through it. I could barely hear the people in the room now and all I could do was pray. "God, help me" is what I kept repeating and I started singing songs in my mind. I remember feeling like I was about to give up and screaming pretty loud when I heard my amazing nurse Lisa's voice. She said something along the lines of "April, look at me" and I did. She told me not to give up and that I could do this. This woman was such a great nurse and she saved me! I didn't hear anyone's voice but hers. She looked at me and then looked at the clock and said "So do you want your baby to be born at 11am?" I remember feeling a sudden burst of energy right at that moment and responding "let's do this."

Aiden Kyle Picon was born at 11:01am. It turns out he had the umbilical chord wrapped around his neck 3 TIMES and this is probably why I hadn't felt him moving as much. It was such a relief to see him and know he was safe. I immediately started crying and remember my husband kissing my head and saying he loved me. Then I waited to hear Aiden's cry and it was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. He was here and somehow, I had done it! Lisa (my nurse) came up to me and she said "April, you are A LOT stronger than you think you are."

.. and that is what I learned from this. I have what it takes to be a mom and I am STRONG. I am going to love and protect Aiden for as long as I am here on this earth and this taught me that I can do it. God gave me strength that day and I know now that I am going to rock at this mother thing! I'm just sayin ;)

XO,

He is Here!!

Aiden Kyle Picon
Born: April 21st at 11:01am
7 Lbs, 3 Ounces -- 19 and a half inches long

Sorry it's taken me a while to update this! The birth went really well but the recovery has been a doozy =) I can't wait to write my birth story and give you all more details soon.

XO,